Dear Me – that’s a lot of rants!

i apologize but i am cranky under the work pressure and all other pressure around me. i promise to try to be more cheerful after a restful weekend and many ZZZZZ’s

Dear MIL – Your son turned 32 – u feel that is too old to be childless. Is it now really? Does his wife’s age/ambition not matter?

Dear BIL – Yes, u conceived within 9 months of marriage, yes it worked out well for u, Some people might want to chart their own path and not copy yours!

Dear Grandmother in LAw- i would love for my kids to know the wonderful person u and my grandparents are – but is that the reason i should have a kid?

Dear Cheeni – So u are ready for kids – yes we have done things together in the past and i would love for our kids to be friends like us – is that all that matters for me to have kids (p.s. stop with the baby rearing topics already…phew…)

Dear neighbours and world in general – Yes yes 3 years of marriage and no offspring…you are so right i am not doing my womanly duties …so what goes of your father??

I am really feeling the pressure now…in fact to such an extent that i am getting pissed off.

My primary reason for not having a kid right away is my health. I have put on truckloads many kilos because of since marriage and i would like to knock off some of the kilos and get fitter before i have a kid. I want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy and not have to worry about my knees giving way or the baby getting less nutrition because my body is being greedy. yes plump ppl have had healthy kids…but i choose not to (at the moment at least) and that’s my decision.

I can understand people like my MIL and the Tall One’ grand mom not getting this logic..but my own best friend cheeni…I am so cheesed off with her. We were – Rather she was talking about having babies and she was persuading me – i am not joking- to have a kid. i told her very seriously about weight etc and she tried to convince me saying that “how can u be sure u will drop the weight”…”i know of XYZ to had kids despite being plump” and “Medically not good to have late kids”…

Excuse me lady – what do u mean are u sure u will loose weight?? Don’t i owe it to myself to at least try? U are my friend…isn’t my health important to anyone but my mom and husband? My mom is a doctor – u really think she would advice me to do something (loose weight before baby) which is inconsequential? If u want to have a baby babe…i will be thrilled for u…it might spur me into action – yes we are best friends but u can’t persuade/advice me on this one…I have a husband who has a say and i have a doctor who is my mother who will be advice me medically – i dont need a banker to be giving me google information!

My other reason is my work – i am reaching a level where in sometime (dont ask how many months…i cant measure) even if i take the 6 mths maternity break or longer – i wont loose too much seniority…Dont i owe it to my education and myself to be comfortably placed at my work place before i have a baby?

I know i am approaching the big 3O (in like 2 years) and that’s like “THE END” of the DINK business..Yes i am aware…i will most probably adhere to the set timeline…but shouldn;t my baby making decision be basis what the tall one and i want physically and mentally?

Dear Tall One – Thank u for being the bestest on this one (at least!) Muaahhh what would i do without u!

Advertisements

47 thoughts on “Dear Me – that’s a lot of rants!

  1. Chinkurli

    It’s always others who are more interested about your having kids (or not). And if you do, they’ll manage to find fault with something or the other. I’d written a blogpost about this.

    You know what? You owe yourself the most. So try not to get too hassled by what others say, and go for it only when the two of you think you’re ready 🙂

    Reply
    1. Nuttie Natters Post author

      Thanks Chinkurli…sometimes i wonder if i am being too selfish (and stupid) by thinking about me…

      I can deal with aunties and the world in general asking about babies…but when ur dear ones ignore your thoughts, feelings and ambitions – it hurts 😦

      Reply
  2. comfortablynam

    Aww Nuttie..I am so sorry..I know exactly what you are going through..I did not have to deal with family but friends I just did not get..I mean if they gave in and had babies why was that my problem and why did I suddenly have to answer the baby questions to them..??.. I use to be so mad.

    But we stuck to our guns..I did the whole carrier thing..also lost about 8 Kgs before I got pregnant. So yeah..you can do it..since you are the one who will have to deal with the post baby weightloss and a slow track carrier after the baby comes in to the picture.

    You have a lot of time..2 years in seriously a lot of time..and the world does not end at 30 seriously, I know..so stand firm on what you want, follow your heart..

    Reply
    1. Nuttie Natters Post author

      Thank u comfy…i am glad i am not the only one who is “unreasonable” :D…btw i must ask tips of loosing 8 kilos..Give give! and yes i agree this whole idea of 30 being the end of the world is so silly…i really want to have a word with this person who settled on “30”

      Reply
  3. Titaxy

    Oh Nuts, don’t be bothered much. Listen to yourself, your body…that’s all matters. 🙂 Many many hugs. Hope you feel better soon!

    Reply
  4. celestialrays

    😦 hugs hugs hugs and even more hugs…
    while I was reading your post all I was thinking was that you should not even be explaining or justifying yourself, your decision except to your partner. Isn’t there anything called ‘freedom’? You want to do or not something, its upto you. End of story! I am not married, not been a ‘good news’ victim yet, but I totally see your point.

    The pressure an extended family or even friends can put on you is amazing. Be it ‘when are you getting married?’ or ‘any good news?’, its plain annoying. I have lost a couple of good friends coz they would not stop advicing me to get married. 😦

    More hugs

    Reply
    1. Nuttie Natters Post author

      Yes divz – we indians are really nuts sometimes…after the good news..come the “when u havingg next child”>..strange circle of life…I dont usually give explanations to random aunties…but find it difficult at times to handle relatives…i usually try humour but it gets tougher and tougher

      Reply
  5. mukul raisinghani

    i am just a 19 year old kid …….and me telling you something would really sound weird..but still since i have read this post of yours i would surely like to tell you that life is all yours live it your way,though you have certain responsibilities towards others also but you know very well what are your priorities in life …as in your case health and work,take your time …..sometimes dear ones also don’t understand but that doesn’t mean they don’t care ….if you really wanna convince them convince them in a calm way …and if you dont want to convince them thats also ok because you have already set your priorities straight,either ways you are going to follow it ……life is all yours live it in your own way…..

    Reply
    1. Nuttie Natters Post author

      thanks mukul —u sound quite mature for a 19 year old…and yes i will live my life my way…its the explanation process which is so tiring 😦

      Reply
  6. DI

    🙂 Hope you’re feeling better now!
    It does feel bad, especially when it gets to some serious pressure, but as long as you have The tall one with you, no one matters! 😀
    I think all of us have a done a post on this topic by now, which means all of us have been there! But really babe, there is no selfishness and thinking about yourself and what you want, the baby is after all going to be yours!

    Reply
    1. Nuttie Natters Post author

      lol…i liek the “we have all done a post on this topic” bit…so funny!!! we all crib some the same things dont v…

      Lol..feeling much better – thanks to all the comments favouring my thoughts :P…!

      Reply
    1. Nuttie Natters Post author

      Yes swaru…will be happy girl only…lol i shudder to think what happens to ppl who decide not to have kids…I shall fall at their feet…anyone around?? and thank u for ur hugs…much much needed

      Reply
  7. snippetsnscribbles

    Like DI and Swaram said, we ALL have done posts on it. And in my case, it dint get any better by the fact that I was far away in the US and not working. I am at home, so I should be having a baby, it appears.

    But you know yourself better. And if you think waiting a few years makes sense, just stick to it. If you have health issues you’d want to resolve first, do it. After all, your health is primary. And all those aunties/random ppl will not come to your help anytime!

    But I know how terrible it can get explaining (or not) to people around you. No matter what you say, they dont seem convinced at all! And handling that is horrible!

    Just fyi, we’ve been married for 3yrs too and I turned 30. So you can imagine 😀

    *hugs*

    Reply
  8. Nu

    I know I know I know all this…everything matching to my state right now Nuts..and I’ve a more stressed situation because we will complete 5 years of married life in next month…too much pressure..also people are so audacious to even come and ask me if there are any infertility issues..can you beat that ??

    Is having kids based on number of years of marriage and /or when does people around me are having them???

    Thankfully our hubbies are not into all this..touch wood Nuts…Don’t worry babes…You have all the time in the world to have kids..I personally believe a couple should have kids only when they are mentally,physically and financially prepared ! and that it’s their personal choice !!!

    Reply
    1. Nuttie Natters Post author

      Yes Nu…i am so with u…Sometimes it’s like u married to have babies…Hello…heard of companionship…

      Btw what do u respond to ppl who ask abt fertility issues???

      Reply
  9. Zephyr

    Oh poor you! I think you didn’t even owe an explanation to anyone on such personal issue. It is entirely up to you and the Tall One. So relax and take your time. it is best to be prepared for the baby in every way before you bring it into the world. There are so many ‘we had a baby before we even grew up,’ kind of statements as it is. The kids deserve better than that. as it is they have to cope with so much once they are born!

    Would a hug help? Huuuuuug and loads of love!

    Reply
    1. Nuttie Natters Post author

      Thank u Z…a hug is always welcome….!!! Hopefully when we do decide to have a kid it’s not under any pressure.

      p.s. I have decided that i will call u Z now..the CB and CN is getting too confusing 🙂

      Reply
  10. Coffee Bean

    Oh wow! Super good writing. In fact I was waiting for someone to be gutsy to rant it out this way, something I don’t seem to be able to do… 🙂

    it’s amazing how much I am able to empathize with you – almost step for step… I wish people are given this blog post to read as part of their marriage vows. Sigh!!!!

    Reply
    1. Nuttie Natters Post author

      That’s CB…Welcome here…if it’s of any consolation…everyone (non mommy) who has commented on this blog has ranted about the same thing! we are all in the same sinking boat 🙂

      Reply
        1. Nuttie Natters Post author

          So what are u waiting for?? Huh Huh??

          Why did u get married if not to have kids 😛

          and dont forget random people are there to “guide u” on ur life 😛

          Reply
            1. Nuttie Natters Post author

              Hello…didn’t u see all those who claimed to be 30…Snippets…turn…we shall go agewise.

              Prays that all the rest are less than 28 yrs and 2 mths!

  11. BlueMist

    Gosh I go through this all the time. 😦 Recently someone whom I met for second time told me how I should leave everything aside and get on to making babies because she is the one who is desperately trying for. May be she want me also get on to the same boat. I was so super pissed off.

    I mean it is nobody’s business. Everyone other than the parent to be seem to be in hurry. I gave her earful and told her it is none of her business. I hate being so blunt but desperate situations call desperate measures. 😀 😀

    30 is just a number. Don’t cave in to the pressure unless you are ready. I know saying is easy but same stories go everywhere.

    Reply
  12. whinymom

    Been there, done that! Ppl started questioning me f**king 1 week into marriage when I was figuring out how to go about the Ho Ha!!!
    I took the easier route and smiled and said “Pray for me” 😉 Lolz!
    Things haven’t changed even after having E, he is 1.5 yrs and questions on the next baby!! Argghhhhh If they were not relatives Id punch them and say “if you’re willing to take the night shifts then SURE”!!!

    Reply
    1. Nuttie Natters Post author

      Haha…lol whiny…consolation being i was asked for good news “ONLY” 4 monts into my marriage 😀

      So whiny when is the second one 😛

      Reply
  13. smartassbride

    I’m visiting my native this week, and I’m sure ppl will check my pulse. Dreading it already 😦

    Do that Roarrr thing you did on the previous mother’s day post. I’m sure they’ll vanish.

    Reply
    1. Nuttie Natters Post author

      Good idea smartie..u think i should try biting..

      Yes ur pulse will be scrutinized as will ur tummy…Do hold ur breath in as much as possible

      And come on no good news after 100 days…what are u doing smartie??? What What?? Waste u are 😛

      Reply
          1. Abirami Rajendran

            even elephants gestate only for 18 months. okay, that explains it. Me = 3.5 elephants. Oh well.

            Reply
  14. piyu

    All the best sweetie 🙂

    Our partners being supportive is the only thing we need.. after shouldn’t it be the parents decision when/whether to have kids!!

    Try not to be to bummed up by these ppl 🙂

    Reply
  15. shilpadesh

    Hah! I just wrote about this in my last post. It is everyone and their grandmother’s business whether we are breeding or not.
    Take your time. 30 is not the end of the world…….atleast I would like to think so. And my Gyn says so!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s