Musings on the eve of my birthday

So anyway who knows me knows i love my birthday. There have been historic records that tell about The Tall One’s phone having alerts on his phone gently reminding him that his wife’s birthday is in 74 days. Times have changed and now i even get to harass the kid and remind him that we cant discuss his birthday because mine comes first – a whole 22 days before his.

So its the last hour of my 36th year. It’s a lonely one – or should be defined as one maybe. The Tall one is travelling (on a flight back) and the Elf is asleep. I sit on my couch and am doing mundane things like folding laundry while watching crappy television.

In my head – that is pretty much the definition of being a loser. But God knows I am loving the peace. No I don’t crave the peace but right now its welcome. I want time to slow down – I want the last hour of my 36th year to slow down before the calls start and the excitement and the busyness of tomorrow starts.
Time – what’s the hurry?

You seem to be moving fast.

Yet at times I wonder if you are really working?

Time you have made my kid seem so big now and every time i see the long legs and the pants which shorten by the day, my heart feels a twinge. Yet it seems just yesterday when he smiled his toothless baby smile at me.

I look at old pics of the Tall One and I from college and i see time that you have worked and our youth is in the past. It makes me nostalgic for another time, another era – where dreams were so different – I dont even know if they were mine. Yet memories of weekends spent just the 2 of us living the non child life dont seem 7 long years ago.

Time you have made me want to believe I am a grown woman now. But watch me when my mum is around and I am a useless teenager again.

Time has made my granny not remember my name but her smile when she sees tells me that time you cant change feelings. Time you may have slowed down my grand dad but you cant stop him from speed dialing me to ask me about a little cough i might have.

So yeah time go ahead – make me an inconsequential age of 37. But know that I am going to be alright. I am not going over any hill anytime soon. Coz time you may think you work, yet you will never work.

 

Goodbye my darling …

Dear Peter Petrosky Bob,

You were the pet  I reluctantly agreed to. I thought getting you as a return gift was way too much responsibility. I looked at how to barter you away at the party itself. But the elf was having nothing of it. He wanted a fish if all his friends got to take home one.

At first I thought that fish were boring – I felt guilty, icky to change your water. But as time went by, you fascinated me.

I loved how your body changed from pure white to black, to the beautiful colour you were. You were my magical fish. My pride – no one else had a fish which changed colour. It amused me how when you saw the tall one you would get all excited knowing he would feed you. If fish ever did a happy dance this was it. 

You tolerated the elf tap tapping and all the excitement the elf showed dancing around you during your water change. 

I often said that you were the only one of my  boys who listened to me. Every time I spoke to you, you came to the top of your bowl to blow me kisses. Every time I sang “hello hello” you came up and told me you love me. 

Even today as you struggled at the bottom of the bowl – you came up to speak to me when you heard my voice – I will be forever touched that you tried so hard. I will miss your puckered lips, your sexy pout, your little black eyes. 

It was miserable to watch you suffer helplessly for the last few days and for that I am glad you are in a better place. 

But now as you lie still at the bottom of your bowl, I keep glancing at the bowl and not seeing you swim around breaks my heart.

Thank you Peter Petrosky Bob for the memories and for teaching my kid and us to love a little more. 

Forever my Petu Singh! Muah!

Hello hello I am back

The reason I don’t post is because a certain someone (you know who you are) doesn’t read my posts and provide adequate encouragement.

And now that I have blamed someone – let me tell you about me in recent times.

Some of you guys know I used to be a banker and after more than a decade in banking I got bored, wanted to do something more with my life, wanted to discover me and so I went from being banker nut to being a nut on a sabbatical.

I took a sabbatical to discover me and after a year long sabbatical I discovered —-umm that there was nothing to discover 😉. This is just about as deep as I go even with time on my hands.

I have to admit I am a marginally better housekeeper and cook since the sabbatical but other than that zilch! I did read a lot more than I did in the last 4-5 years put together. Yay me!! 

But all my lofty plans to write a book, start a business, work in an NGO etc etc –  Lack of Time was never the reason why I didn’t do it. It was just me.

So I decided to get back to doing something outside the house coz honestly I will never be that housewife who has an immaculate house, throws amazing parties, plans healthy meals for the family – I am too disinterested to do that. And just FYI I have full admiration for those who do it and still inspire to be like them. But the reality is I never will be. 

And tada you are now looking at professor  Nut who teaches undergrad students management. It’s  been around 5 months since I started!! 

And Oh my god!! I have never studied so much in my life!! And never worked so hard! As I study everyday sometimes late at night at 2 or early in the morning at 4 – I apologise to all my professors – for the lectures I bunked, for not listening to them, for chatting on icq during lectures. 

In teaching there are no days you can say but today I don’t feel like studying/teaching. And I will get by. In corporate life as a lot of you will admit there are days when you just don’t want to work.

A % of the class – these bunch of kids are looking upto you and you have a duty to teach them well. Not just teach – teach them in a manner where 10 years down the line when they are working they are able to correlate what you taught them.

It is a  responsibility – it’s mentally and physically draining.

But I think I am happy! I feel fulfilled — I think