Today is the beginning of the rest of my life

So yesterday was my last day at work, I have taken a year long sabbatical . I am taking time out to figure out what makes me tick, what my passion is or I I have some ounce of talent in me

It helps that the reason for my sabbatical is that the Tall one has found a job in another city.

I am grateful to have this opportunity, nervous I won’t do enough, nervous coz I have never not worked – never had a time in my life at least after joining school where there was no intangible goal .

I am a little scared of the unknown. I have tonnes of thoughts but no plans. 1 year seems like a long time but can be gone so soon.

The world tells me I will figure it out but I think the world over estimates me. I am not so sure.

5 years down the line I hope I don’t look back on this decision with a tinge of regret.

Keep me in your thoughts! And wish me well…

A whole new world awaits me !

Marine drive – Mumbai meri jaan!

Sitting by marine drive

The place that represent Mumbai for so many of us.

Looking at the dark waters I wonder how many secrets have they hidden.

How many couples have loved, fought and broken up at its shores. Some for ever, some to be united again here.

So many of us have stared into these waters building dreams of our futures. Some became millionaires and some failed. They probably all came back and remembered the day they dreamt.

As I sit on marine drive with my almost 3 year old, I wonder if the waters remember the 15 year old who stood by marine drive and dreamt! I don’t remember what I dreamt, but I wonder if I am the same person.

I wonder if the waters remember the ambitious girl who had just started working trotting down the drive in uncomfortable heels after a day at work. I KNOW the ambitions are different, I don’t know what changed.

The young couple starting off their life together, siting in silence as they enjoy their togetherness and the black waters. We still sit in silence but the silence in broken by an endless chatter of a toddler

Mumbai or Bombay my city. Where I grew up in so many different ways. symbolised by the beautiful marine drive.

A piece of my heart will always be part of marine drive.

Day 10. An evening stroll

My eyes are shutting but I want to post something. I am going to be a fraud and pull out a draft which has been written when the elf was three months old – a draft 2.5 years old.

The strange part is while going over my draft I remember this evening. Nothing unusual, it good be any evening in my building yet these moments stayed with me. I don’t remember though why I didn’t publish it

So here goes… An evening stroll through the eyes of the nut.

Lovely breeze – heralding the rains perhaps

-> A father plays catch catch with a group of the girls. As they chase the “uncle” around the compound, their laughter pure joy. The littler ones running helter skelter pretending to be very “useful” in the cause of chasing the uncle

-> one of the young girls has a mobile around her neck

-> A doggy sits with his head out of the window waiting for his turn to come down for a walk. When he does, he sniffs all in his path, wagging his tail and showing his puppy eyes so that all who pass him smile

-> The new mothers pushing strollers acknowledge each other with smiles, often stopping to check on the age, name and sex of the baby. Each seems to walk away thinking – my baby cutest.

-> The grandmothers – putting out plastic chairs, enjoying the breeze while they talk. Snippets of their discussion – “Hamare samay mein” and of course the unabashed stares as they assess everyone who passes them

-) The younger ladies huddle together while their kids play around and then break into pairs of 2-3 (special friends and all) and start their “health walk” health walk – the fast walk with the intention of keeping fit

-> An Elderly couple matches step for step while another couple watch the world go byv

-> A cute little baby watches everything around him, a little puzzled at this breeze thing hitting him and then falls asleep – Yes Yes that one is all mine

And the sun sets – day 9

As the sun sets on the first full week of the year

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I reflect on it

Work wise – a very tiring week. I am exhausted, tired …

But world events r playing on my mind. It seems wrong to say something light hearted at such a time.

I feel horrible about the world we are leaving to our children. A world full of fear.

A world where it seems common place to kill to prove the supremacy of your faith.

A world where some will be maligned for their faith coz someone else acted like an idiot.

Or maybe this is the turning point where we as humans will stand by each other and say I will ride with you. Or stand up and say my religion doesn’t preach killing. Maybe we will stand up and say my religion tells me to accept that people have different faiths and that’s ok.

Maybe we will learn to just respect another life.

One day maybe the sky won’t look so ominous and there will be rainbows…we owe it to our innocent children .

Let’ keep our fingers crossed. Tomorrow Mumbai is on high alert for terror.

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What have we come to? Day 8

It’s scary right…

That you could be sitting in a cafe

That you could be at work

That your child could be at school

That you could be sitting at a restaurant or shopping or awaiting a train

And someone can just walk around

… And start shooting

We always knew death was inevitable. But early death now does not seems like a one in a million scenario.

My mind runs through the various places my family and dear ones are at – schools, hospitals, offices, malls. I mentally try to convince myself why these are places that won’t be attacked. I wonder how to react or behave if I am caught in this scenario,

I give up – I don’t have an answer.

Do you hate work? Day 7

So when people say they hate work – what do you mean?

Do you mean you hate just the actual work or hate the environment or hate your boss or hate moments of your work.

For me I exaggerate when I say I hate work. I don’t – I remember going back to work after maternity leave and loving the fact that I could blissfully have a cup of coffee. (No baby crying pooping peeing or the bell ringing just when I settle down with my coffee.)

I love the social aspect of work – adult conversations , meeting people with similar thought processes, making friends with people who are different and a whole lot of people to just gossip about.

On some days I even enjoy my work. On some days I am even passionate about it.

And then there are days when all you want to do is escape from the routine of it all.

I oscillate between whether this is what I am meant to do or whether I have another calling in life? A bigger purpose maybe. Or maybe I am meant to be an just another corporate soul.

So do you hate your job? Or just feel dissonance coz you think you should be doing something else.

P.s

This is probably muddled, I am a little light headed after an awesome night out with my colleagues and for the moment I am just grateful for them and all the laughs we share.

Past connections! – day 6

She used to be a best friend….we were twins. We wore similar colour clothes to college just to prove to people that our wavelengths matched. We were always found together.

We grew up but grew apart not very amicably. She is a softer version of the person she was. I am a more sensible version of the person I was .

We met after many years. I am cautious with her. She is tentative around me. We chat, she tells me her troubles, I am more reserved. We don’t talk about our kids. We talk about life and relationships. Rather she talks. I listen..

I want that old connection back. It isn’t constant. But I think I want to work on it. Somewhere my heart has a soft corner for the girl I knew. We have a connected past. So many teenage secrets have been shared, so many boys have been discussed, so many grand life plans were made. I kept wondering what she felt for me. Or for the us that we used to be.

That’s the funny thing – at times you connect with strangers, old friends sometimes immediately connect, sometimes it isn’t instant but you want it to be. All you can do is make the effort right? And hope that the other person also wants to.