Category Archives: Towards a better me

Z is for Z z z z

I fear that after this blogathon I have nothing left to write about and my blog is going to zzzzzz again. 

Think about it logically – In the six odd years, this blog has been in existence I have written 102 posts until mar-16. And then I go ahead and write 26 posts in less than 26 days. Since I started the blogathon 6 days late I sometimes wrote 2 posts a day. Do you really really believe statistically I have anything more to say?

But I have to admit that the blogathon has revived my love for blogging. I realise how much I missed the blog world. And silly as it sounds I feel accomplished that I managed to finish the challenge. 

In my head, I do plan to be more regular but really what more do I have to say? I have spoken about books, elf, places, friends, and a whole lot of other crap. Also I don’t know what I mean by regular either – does it mean weekly, monthly, bi-monthly? I know I can’t do daily!!!

Anyhow that’s in the future. For now I am going to zzzzz on those questions. 

Thank you guys for reading and commenting. Of course the most encouragement come from those also doing the blogathon with me. Thank you, I did it because you did it.

This is my entry for z in the Atozchallenge for April. It’s been fun! 

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N is for Namma Bengaluru

Childhood memories of playing with this great group of kids, running into the church compound, playing endless games of hide and seeks and innumerable board games. The grannies pampering me, lots of visits to relatives and the one hundred thousand times I have walked on commercial street tugging at my mom’s elbow for fountain Pepsi – a novelty in those days.

I didn’t know if the weather was good – I came from the islands of andamans I should have felt it, I know but it didn’t matter. Bengaluru was always home. Where I went every summer holiday!

Then came 2005 – when I moved to Bangalore to work. Crazy work routine, horrible and rude auto drivers (yes it’s up there in the complaints department), demanding bosses, childhood friends moving away left me with not much company other than the mater and the boyfriend (now husband) I had no friends of my own – nothing.

And truth be told, as much as leaving my family behind sucked, I was happy to move to Mumbai – my land of freedom and friends. My land of beautiful rains, my land of college and B school memories. The place my heart would always belong. Even now writing about Mumbai makes me nostalgically think of my favourite marine drive.

But Mumbai with a kid made my heart hurt a little. My kid had no place to run around, we were always in traffic, the schools sucked with their tiny buildings and lack of playgrounds, moving between schools and daycare seemed like a logistical nightmare. I had such a heavy heart while searching for schools there.

And then the Tall one got a job which could bring him here back to Namma Bengaluru. We jumped at the opportunity. I was sure it was a great move for the Elf.

It was not as exciting as moving to an absolutely new city but we were moving to a part of Bengaluru I didn’t know at all. And had no childhood associations with. Mostly I was worried about feeling like I did in 2005.

But Bengaluru has amazed me. Yes, the elf has everything I wanted for him growing up. But what I am amazed at is how much Bangalore has given me. I get to see my grannies more for sure and when the rest of the family is here, I get more time with them. The weather (not counting the last 2 months of absolute torture) makes me feel so energetic and great which is truly an achievement for an intrinsically lazy person like me. The Tall one is less worn out, we have more space, I have a bunch of stay at home Mummy friends who are intelligent and fun. I know I can do so much more with my life here than I ever could in Mumbai.

But mostly I am at peace. Something we don’t value enough.

Thank you Bengaluru for everything.

Maybe this is what coming home is all about!

This is my entry for N for the April AtoZ challenge and yay I finally introduce a category called namma Bengaluru to my list

E is for enough!

E is for enough wasting my time.

Social media is taking over my life and how.

Facebook was bad enough – snooping around people, reading random articles, checking out photos of people’s holidays and kids. But by and large Facebook is a happy place.

Whatsapp I see as a a necessary devil – I love that it keeps me in touch with so many old friends and new friends and hello how would I make all those plans 90% of which don’t materialise if not for Whatsapp.

And then suddenly into my life came Twitter – the worst of them all. I found myself arguing with random strangers. Most of them way too opinionated and just so unpleasant.

I was having an argument today with some members of male activists group who have managed to make me oh so feminists. And they are extremely rude and a lot of them are openly misogynist. It’s horrible ! Rebuttal after rebuttal.

So anyway just before my flight took off for Delhi – I posted another rebuttal to them. As the flight landed, I found myself getting anxious wondering how many of these MCP’s would have pounced on me in the last 3 hours. I switched on my phone and on a whim deleted the Twitter app.

Enough!!

Enough of listening to ppl ranting about everything, mocking people, abusing people, – what an unhappy sad sad place Twitter is with all its mini celebrities and their mega egos.

I can safely say that Twitter brings out the worst in us as human beings.

And for me as for now – enough is enough
My world is largely beautiful, I don’t need your negativity. So goodbye and adios !

I had a happier post planned but I am too tired and not in a mood for it.

This is part of the April AtoZchallenge

A is for April and A brand new start

 

Phew back after so many months and i have to thank the AtoZchallenge for bringing me back here.

I am pretty sure you are all fed up of hearing that I am on a sabbatical, the point is the sabbatical happened, its been a year and I haven’t really  hit upon a great next step. Most of my ideas are still just ideas. But I do know that the thought of going back just doesn’t excite me. But i WAS scared – scared to move out of my comfort zone, scared that i would amount to nothing and do nothing productive with my life.

And I say Was because this is what happened…

Like in all good stories, when they are retold, the epiphany about what I needed to do next had a rather poetic setting – Goa! We were in Goa to celebrate my 30 something birthday and i got a tarot card reading done. I have to admit, i went rather skeptically to her. She didn’t ask me anything about myself but looking at my cards she said – that things were moving fast around me and I had  done something that had brought up a huge change in my life. She said that i COULD be on the path to something great but i am resisting it for comfort and that it was weighing me down. And fortunately/unfortunately it was my choice to whether i would chose to walk down the amazing path ahead you which would bring me a lot of personal peace.

As a step towards that, I put in my papers a couple of days at the organisation I worked for. I have resisted offers of part and flexitime working. This April, it would have been 10 years of working in the same organisation

10 years has seen me grow up from a young kid fumbling around to someone who was confident about my work coincidentally starting and ending my career with the same boss and the same team (with many changes in between), 10 years wherein a young girl wanting to the conquer the world has become a mother with dreams pretty different from the ones i started off with. I have a lot to thank the organisation for  – but it is time for me to move on – Move on and see what lies ahead. Scary unknown and exciting.

For a conformist – like me this is a big deal!

Like they say the beginning of the amazing race (another A) – the world is waiting for me.

 

 

Update on my sabbatical 

So it’s been more than 4 months since I started my sabbatical. I thought I would write everyday or at least every other day – but who am I kidding, it’s been 66 days since my last post. In my defence it feels like week.

What have I been upto

I have joined a book club and joined Zumba classes. Both of which I have kept upto. 

I have enrolled for an online course -I am in module 1 of it, so yup just started. I have decided to  change professions, change the course of what I do. More abt it when I am more comfortable. But right now, assignments and studying again is stressing me out. These assignments are like nothing I have done before. I actually need to think and can’t google or phaff my way out of it. Stressful. But dude I am loving it! So let’s see how that goes.

I have also made friends – and even managed a night out with 8 ladies none of whom I am Facebook friends. That last happened in 2005 – that’s right before the advent of Facebook,

I like my routine as a “house wife” but I need to get more organised. But who am I kidding I am just not a domesticated soul.

I have my moments of loneliness and wondering what I am doing with my life

But mostly now – I am at peace !

Today is the beginning of the rest of my life

So yesterday was my last day at work, I have taken a year long sabbatical . I am taking time out to figure out what makes me tick, what my passion is or I I have some ounce of talent in me

It helps that the reason for my sabbatical is that the Tall one has found a job in another city.

I am grateful to have this opportunity, nervous I won’t do enough, nervous coz I have never not worked – never had a time in my life at least after joining school where there was no intangible goal .

I am a little scared of the unknown. I have tonnes of thoughts but no plans. 1 year seems like a long time but can be gone so soon.

The world tells me I will figure it out but I think the world over estimates me. I am not so sure.

5 years down the line I hope I don’t look back on this decision with a tinge of regret.

Keep me in your thoughts! And wish me well…

A whole new world awaits me !

Past connections! – day 6

She used to be a best friend….we were twins. We wore similar colour clothes to college just to prove to people that our wavelengths matched. We were always found together.

We grew up but grew apart not very amicably. She is a softer version of the person she was. I am a more sensible version of the person I was .

We met after many years. I am cautious with her. She is tentative around me. We chat, she tells me her troubles, I am more reserved. We don’t talk about our kids. We talk about life and relationships. Rather she talks. I listen..

I want that old connection back. It isn’t constant. But I think I want to work on it. Somewhere my heart has a soft corner for the girl I knew. We have a connected past. So many teenage secrets have been shared, so many boys have been discussed, so many grand life plans were made. I kept wondering what she felt for me. Or for the us that we used to be.

That’s the funny thing – at times you connect with strangers, old friends sometimes immediately connect, sometimes it isn’t instant but you want it to be. All you can do is make the effort right? And hope that the other person also wants to.