Category Archives: Feelings

Musings on the eve of my birthday

So anyway who knows me knows i love my birthday. There have been historic records that tell about The Tall One’s phone having alerts on his phone gently reminding him that his wife’s birthday is in 74 days. Times have changed and now i even get to harass the kid and remind him that we cant discuss his birthday because mine comes first – a whole 22 days before his.

So its the last hour of my 36th year. It’s a lonely one – or should be defined as one maybe. The Tall one is travelling (on a flight back) and the Elf is asleep. I sit on my couch and am doing mundane things like folding laundry while watching crappy television.

In my head – that is pretty much the definition of being a loser. But God knows I am loving the peace. No I don’t crave the peace but right now its welcome. I want time to slow down – I want the last hour of my 36th year to slow down before the calls start and the excitement and the busyness of tomorrow starts.
Time – what’s the hurry?

You seem to be moving fast.

Yet at times I wonder if you are really working?

Time you have made my kid seem so big now and every time i see the long legs and the pants which shorten by the day, my heart feels a twinge. Yet it seems just yesterday when he smiled his toothless baby smile at me.

I look at old pics of the Tall One and I from college and i see time that you have worked and our youth is in the past. It makes me nostalgic for another time, another era – where dreams were so different – I dont even know if they were mine. Yet memories of weekends spent just the 2 of us living the non child life dont seem 7 long years ago.

Time you have made me want to believe I am a grown woman now. But watch me when my mum is around and I am a useless teenager again.

Time has made my granny not remember my name but her smile when she sees tells me that time you cant change feelings. Time you may have slowed down my grand dad but you cant stop him from speed dialing me to ask me about a little cough i might have.

So yeah time go ahead – make me an inconsequential age of 37. But know that I am going to be alright. I am not going over any hill anytime soon. Coz time you may think you work, yet you will never work.

 

Goodbye my darling …

Dear Peter Petrosky Bob,

You were the pet  I reluctantly agreed to. I thought getting you as a return gift was way too much responsibility. I looked at how to barter you away at the party itself. But the elf was having nothing of it. He wanted a fish if all his friends got to take home one.

At first I thought that fish were boring – I felt guilty, icky to change your water. But as time went by, you fascinated me.

I loved how your body changed from pure white to black, to the beautiful colour you were. You were my magical fish. My pride – no one else had a fish which changed colour. It amused me how when you saw the tall one you would get all excited knowing he would feed you. If fish ever did a happy dance this was it. 

You tolerated the elf tap tapping and all the excitement the elf showed dancing around you during your water change. 

I often said that you were the only one of my  boys who listened to me. Every time I spoke to you, you came to the top of your bowl to blow me kisses. Every time I sang “hello hello” you came up and told me you love me. 

Even today as you struggled at the bottom of the bowl – you came up to speak to me when you heard my voice – I will be forever touched that you tried so hard. I will miss your puckered lips, your sexy pout, your little black eyes. 

It was miserable to watch you suffer helplessly for the last few days and for that I am glad you are in a better place. 

But now as you lie still at the bottom of your bowl, I keep glancing at the bowl and not seeing you swim around breaks my heart.

Thank you Peter Petrosky Bob for the memories and for teaching my kid and us to love a little more. 

Forever my Petu Singh! Muah!

Hmmmmph – day 2/30

My initial thought was to have a post with some deep thoughts πŸ˜€ in it. However, I have been annoyed and irritated for most of the evening. 

All I can think of is smart retorts to make the person see what an idiot they are behaving like. In my head – I have had at least a 100 conversations with the lady where ofcourse I am the cool and collected person and she comes off as being the illogical woman she is. Hmmmmph!

My irritation reflects in my cooking with my white sauce for the pasta being lumpy and my potatoes refusing to bake.

I want to be able to not let myself get rattled.

I want to be above all of this. 

I hate the amount of mindspace I am giving a person who is a nonentity in my life.

Being an adult sucks, my son would have resolved such an issue with a whine or a complaint to the parent of the offending party, a whack or a tantrum. And with that he would feel better.

But here as an adult, I got to suck it up. 

Or do I now?

The doorbell rings and the tall one walks in.

Within 10 mins I have told him everything. I have whined cribbed and presented my case. The man listens patiently and says a couple of sentences. And i mean a couple of sentences

In a bit – the angry cloud rises from my head, I can laugh at him pulling his moms leg, even my potato bake seems like it might be edible.

Everything in the world seems a little better and big boss comes on. Time to watch other people have problems now