Category Archives: staying at home

Jai Nuttie Mata ki! 

Oh good! Now you can spend time with the elf.

What made you leave your job now? After he is 3 years old.

Don’t you feel it is so much better for the elf that you quit your job?

If you were the random aunty or those “holier than thou human beings” I would smile and say yes. While I seethe inside. Do people really think that a mother would do something which is not good for their kid as they are implying me going to work was. Do they really mean to imply that I was being selfish because I chose to work over staying at home. 

How do I explain to them that I am not a bad mother nor do I love my kid less  because I felt no guilt at going to work. Don’t get me wrong, I had my days of guilt, my days of wondering If it was all worth it – but on an average I was happy! 

I don’t believe in living in guilt. I have always maintained that the elf was my priority and the day I felt that the elf was suffering or I was suffering because I went to work I would give it up.

I don’t believe the elf is better off or worse off because I worked for the first three years of his life. Online you will find all the pros and cons to working mothers. So I am not going to elaborate. 

Coming back to me – No, I didn’t quit out of guilt. I didn’t have a eureka moment 3 years later that I horror or horrors sent my kid to a daycare. 

I quit for me.

I reached a point where the next steps in my career in the banking sector didn’t ignite a passion in me. I felt empty. I felt I needed to do more for my soul. 

Sure being at home would make things logistically much easier because the elf had started school but that wasn’t my primary reason. 

The main reason I quit was me.

In India, for a woman the word ‘me’ is taboo – you always quit because of marriage or kids or parents or because your husband changed locations. 

But imagine a mother saying she chose not to work to find herself . 

Quitting for yourself is tough to explain. It’s tough to tell people that today if I find something I am truly passionate about I would go back to working. Sure I will look for more flexibility because I wanted to spend more time with the elf but yes I want to go back into the workforce. 

I have realised I can’t explain myself.i explain myself to the ones that matter. I think they see my view point. But to the rest of the world I am ok being the “good mother”

Beta good thing you quit. See elf is more friendly now –

Yes Aunty – all for him!

Now everyone say Jai Nuttie Mata ki! 

(Loosely translated to All hail mother nuttie) 

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N is for Namma Bengaluru

Childhood memories of playing with this great group of kids, running into the church compound, playing endless games of hide and seeks and innumerable board games. The grannies pampering me, lots of visits to relatives and the one hundred thousand times I have walked on commercial street tugging at my mom’s elbow for fountain Pepsi – a novelty in those days.

I didn’t know if the weather was good – I came from the islands of andamans I should have felt it, I know but it didn’t matter. Bengaluru was always home. Where I went every summer holiday!

Then came 2005 – when I moved to Bangalore to work. Crazy work routine, horrible and rude auto drivers (yes it’s up there in the complaints department), demanding bosses, childhood friends moving away left me with not much company other than the mater and the boyfriend (now husband) I had no friends of my own – nothing.

And truth be told, as much as leaving my family behind sucked, I was happy to move to Mumbai – my land of freedom and friends. My land of beautiful rains, my land of college and B school memories. The place my heart would always belong. Even now writing about Mumbai makes me nostalgically think of my favourite marine drive.

But Mumbai with a kid made my heart hurt a little. My kid had no place to run around, we were always in traffic, the schools sucked with their tiny buildings and lack of playgrounds, moving between schools and daycare seemed like a logistical nightmare. I had such a heavy heart while searching for schools there.

And then the Tall one got a job which could bring him here back to Namma Bengaluru. We jumped at the opportunity. I was sure it was a great move for the Elf.

It was not as exciting as moving to an absolutely new city but we were moving to a part of Bengaluru I didn’t know at all. And had no childhood associations with. Mostly I was worried about feeling like I did in 2005.

But Bengaluru has amazed me. Yes, the elf has everything I wanted for him growing up. But what I am amazed at is how much Bangalore has given me. I get to see my grannies more for sure and when the rest of the family is here, I get more time with them. The weather (not counting the last 2 months of absolute torture) makes me feel so energetic and great which is truly an achievement for an intrinsically lazy person like me. The Tall one is less worn out, we have more space, I have a bunch of stay at home Mummy friends who are intelligent and fun. I know I can do so much more with my life here than I ever could in Mumbai.

But mostly I am at peace. Something we don’t value enough.

Thank you Bengaluru for everything.

Maybe this is what coming home is all about!

This is my entry for N for the April AtoZ challenge and yay I finally introduce a category called namma Bengaluru to my list

Update on my sabbatical 

So it’s been more than 4 months since I started my sabbatical. I thought I would write everyday or at least every other day – but who am I kidding, it’s been 66 days since my last post. In my defence it feels like week.

What have I been upto

I have joined a book club and joined Zumba classes. Both of which I have kept upto. 

I have enrolled for an online course -I am in module 1 of it, so yup just started. I have decided to  change professions, change the course of what I do. More abt it when I am more comfortable. But right now, assignments and studying again is stressing me out. These assignments are like nothing I have done before. I actually need to think and can’t google or phaff my way out of it. Stressful. But dude I am loving it! So let’s see how that goes.

I have also made friends – and even managed a night out with 8 ladies none of whom I am Facebook friends. That last happened in 2005 – that’s right before the advent of Facebook,

I like my routine as a “house wife” but I need to get more organised. But who am I kidding I am just not a domesticated soul.

I have my moments of loneliness and wondering what I am doing with my life

But mostly now – I am at peace !

The diary of a Stay At Home Person

So its been 45 odd days since I started this stay at home business.

In this time, I have rented out our apartment, sold a car and a crib, painted a house, packed up 6 years of existence in a house, said goodbye to my city of 8 years – come to another city, unpacked and settled in to the house almost entirely and the point is

….I dont feel like I have accomplished anything.

My mind is conditioned to believe that the work I did in office is “only work”. The rest is extra curricular activities.

I havent had time to thing what i want to do next. I am busy – i dont know doing what. I am hoping that once the elf starts school, i will have time to think.

The child and his questions give me no free mindspace. My mind feels cluttered on most days.I am trying to get organised and be the fantastic put together stay at home mom’s people are.

except i refuse to be a stay at home mom – i will be a stay at home person – because while being a mom is fabulous and the best thing ever and all the things which people say. I am still a person, not just a mom – I still trying to figure out me and what makes me tick.