Category Archives: Us Venusians

Hmmmmph – day 2/30

My initial thought was to have a post with some deep thoughts πŸ˜€ in it. However, I have been annoyed and irritated for most of the evening. 

All I can think of is smart retorts to make the person see what an idiot they are behaving like. In my head – I have had at least a 100 conversations with the lady where ofcourse I am the cool and collected person and she comes off as being the illogical woman she is. Hmmmmph!

My irritation reflects in my cooking with my white sauce for the pasta being lumpy and my potatoes refusing to bake.

I want to be able to not let myself get rattled.

I want to be above all of this. 

I hate the amount of mindspace I am giving a person who is a nonentity in my life.

Being an adult sucks, my son would have resolved such an issue with a whine or a complaint to the parent of the offending party, a whack or a tantrum. And with that he would feel better.

But here as an adult, I got to suck it up. 

Or do I now?

The doorbell rings and the tall one walks in.

Within 10 mins I have told him everything. I have whined cribbed and presented my case. The man listens patiently and says a couple of sentences. And i mean a couple of sentences

In a bit – the angry cloud rises from my head, I can laugh at him pulling his moms leg, even my potato bake seems like it might be edible.

Everything in the world seems a little better and big boss comes on. Time to watch other people have problems now 

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W is for Wisdom

Many many centuries ago i wrote a blog on the wisdom I had acquired in my twenties. Going through the list I realised now almost in my mid- thirties I didn’t have much to add. Pretty sad huh?

The only wisdom I have acquired is a few motherhood truths that i have learnt. Don’t yawn! Read – I am the bodh gaya (tree of enlightenment) type of wise ! 

  • There are no right or wrong answers. Do what is best for you and your family and only you and your spouse can decide that. So stay at home, work, daycare, no nanny, Co-sleep, blah blah blah as it works for you. Don’t ever try and convince another mom that your way is the best way.
  • It’s ok to prioritise yourself.You are still a person – not just a mother. Go for that night out, the girls trip or the spa. Don’t feel guilty.
  • Motherhood will give you million opportunities to feel guilty and can be overwhelming. Your kid will exhaust you mentally and physically. You will do things you are not proud of you – you will cry, scream, yell or sulk. And that’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up. Once you will feel better, resolve to do better the next day/next hour
  • Your spouse is a parent too. Let him do it his way. Let him change he diaper, or feed the kid the “wrong way”. The baby and he will survive to tell the tale. I promise. 
  • Your child is a person too – respect their need for space, their need to bend the rules, their need to throw a tantrum. Don’t we all do so once in a while.
  • As much as possible, don’t lie to them. Give them logic and hear their view point out.  In a popular Facebook forum – a mother was bemoaning that her 4 year old drank frooti everyday. The universal suggestion was to make frooti and put it into a used carton. My suggestion to make the kid understand junk food was blown away as he is too small. My only point being how long and for how many things will you lie and make up stories. Anyway, living up to the non judgemental part of parenting – I shall move on.
  • And lastly but most importantly spread the word that being a parent is awesome. Don’t tell them about the lack of sleep, the exhaustion, the questions you are asked , the questions in your head, the utter terror your child can be when they make up in the morning.

Coz that way you won’t be the only one being driven crazy imps.

<insert cruel laugh>

This is part of the April Atozchallenge and this is my entry for W. 

C is for Cinderella and chatter boxes

Ever imagine what it is like to be Cinderella – you know just when the prince comes to kiss you, the clock strikes 12.

Well every evening I feel like Cinderella except there is no prince or kiss, and there is no clock either. Just the complaining voice of a 4 year old.

So I have these bunch of friends whose kids are 3-4 years elder than mine, so their kids play independently and They get to hang around and play. I also have friends who my kid plays with and with either set of friends just when the conversation gets interesting my kid wants to go to the loo or change his place of playing or go home and so on .

And much like Cinderella I sadly have to leave. No kiss nothing.

But then again I am a genius and a chatterbox. And I have been dying to have a nice heart to heart conversation with someone whose age is not in single digits . So 2 of us took our kids to funky monkey – where the kids played for 1.5 hours without interruptions. After that we gave them lunch but we weren’t done yet and the kids seemed to have evolved some game outside the play area . So we let them be – ignored them, ignored the looks we may or may not have got from other folks around and talked for another 1.5 hours .

With the travel time; we had actually managed close to 4.5 hours of talk time with barely any interruptions from our kids!!!

Talk about bliss!

This is part of the April Atozchallenge

I say this with pride -I know the author

Review of “A Calendar too crowded by Sagarika Chakraborthy”

To tell you the truth, i didn’t want to review this book. For a couple of reasons, one i am not a big fan of short stories, two I really don’t “get” or “like” feminism overdone and a book full of stories about women sounded just too much to take. But the main reason was that this was written by a dear friend and i didn’t want to be dishonest if i didn’t like it.

But read the book I did! This was not about feminism. It was stories, stories of women. Yes it dealt with topics like rape, prostitution and the like but there were stories of women just like us. I read the stories slowly savouring them, slowly not wanting the book to end. Some characters stay with you and you wonder what happened when the story ended. You feel the optimism, the despair, the happiness the characters share. Some maybe more than others.

Like Sagarika told me you will identify with some of the characters. I loved the fact that none of the characters had names (explanation being that it could be the story of any women). The stories which particularly touched me was the young widow who escapes – (Sags, i need you to tell me what happens after she escapes :-), the ideal mother (i was pregnant then and the women seemed to be narrating my thoughts) and i loved the story on adoption, knowing how close the topic is to the author’s heart.

What stayed with me was the thought that how did a 27(??) year old managing to get into the head and heart of so many characters. How did she have the strength to do so.The book is hard hitting, at times disturbing, it’s the topics we like to sweep under the carpet. Go ahead read it, it isn’t a light read but savour the book story by story!

My only grievance was i wanted more stories !!!

I can’t being to tell you how delayed this review is. I think i read the book close to 100 days ago. I have no excuses, nothing ! Hangs head in shame.

Modern India – really?

So there is this colleague of mine – let me just call her PR. PR is a doll! A beautiful, smart girl, well-educated – done her MBA from one of India’s top B schools. Her Dad works as one of the top officials in one of India’s most respected government organizations. He has worked his way up, to be one of the top officials. She speaks highly of her father who despite belonging to an SC caste never used the reservation or allowed his daughters to use it. They have had to work their way to whatever they have done in life

PR is dating this mallu Nair boy – a nice boy am sure -nothing great in the looks department,educated less than her, happens to work abroad. His dad used to work in the gulf and came back to settle in Kerala.

His parents are dead against their marriage – their first reason being that she was an SC!!!
They then think that her dad should give them dowry – coz their son isn’t easily available on “sale” or something to that effect.

When she told me about the dowry bit, i was disgusted and asked her if this guy was worth it. I mean even if your parents are demanding dowry – dont u as a man in love with this girl have the guts to tell them this is wrong! Why are you communicating it to her? Because apparently the boy thinks it’s ok!

What shocked me even more – while PR wasn’t thrilled, she was ok with a certain amount of dowry being given. because in her side, if she had an arranged marriage, dowry is a pre-requisite.

Is it me? Am i too naive or idealistic? Do i live in a palace of illusions?

-> I would have thought her dad would say – I will never give dowry for my daughters! They are educated and capable of earning for themselves and hopefully will do so in tandem with their partners. let the couple make a life for themselves.
-> I would have thought she would have told the guy and his family to buzz off
-> I would have at least expected a lot more outrage from PR – am i good enough for you only with a couple of lakhs accompanying me?
-> I would have thought that in this day and age – caste would not matter especially when the girl is educated and of a similar if not better background than yours

Is modern-day India just a facade?

Is our old thought process just buried below this farce of moderness we claim to have?

What does it feel to grow up knowing that you will be acceptable to a man/his family if u come accompanied with the acceptable amount of money ?

And caste – how can it still matter?

Are we just a handful of us – whose parents would never ever even think of paying dowry for us. My mom as a kid used to always joke that she would ask for dowry from anyone who wanted to marry me!

This saddens me – this India which breaks my notion of dowry, caste etc not being an urbane educated class issue.

Comebacks!!!

Urrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh…dont u wish u had an appropriate comeback when people make nasty jabs at u…

Today, a colleague of mine passed a pretty sarcy one-liner on my job profile (i do something which is supposed to help/force people to drive numbers) – i was cribbing to another colleague how someone follows up with me to know the number and this a** tells me – “anyway ur job is to narrate the numbers”….*Punch Kick and one Tight slap*…Nutty the warrior princess

What irks me is that it come from a total nincompoop who’s only accomplishment in life is A**licking!
What irks me is that this is the guy who used to come to me for advice as i was one of the few people who knew how to handle his boss
What irks me is that it is none of his business what and how i do things and i wasn’t even talking to HIM!!!
What irks me is that he wouldn’t have had the guts to say the same thing to a male colleague
What irks me the most that 5 hours past the incident i still haven’t thought of a deadly one liner i could have said….Damn i am loosing my touch!

Share with me some of ur deadliest comebacks while i continue to think and fume and fret!!!

Edited to add: Met my good friend “Cheeni” who incidentally was told by her super boss that “XYZ toh dhanda lata hai, Mein toh majboori mein kaam karta hoon aur Cheeni timepass karne aati hai”…Hello!!! Majboori for u because u have wife and children!!! Cheeni pays half the EMI of their home loan dude!!!

grrrr—Men!