Let go…

Do you ever wonder when you look at someone whether this will be the last time you will see them? Do you try and capture in your mind what their hands look like, their toes and what their hugs feel like? I worry that I will forget the scent of the person when they pass on.

You might catch glimpses of their features in photos but their smell will go away won’t it? Somewhere into the universe. Will you be sitting in your balcony one day and suddenly get their whiff and feel your heart so full from pain and joy? 

Would you beat yourself over all the things you haven’t done for the person? Would you regret the day who didn’t join them in their walk because you didn’t feel like?

Are you torn between being selfish and wanting them around for you but not wanting them to suffer and not wanting to watch them suffer?

I read a story about a set of twins during the holocaust maybe about 10 years old. They were sewn together by the evil doctor to resemble Siamese twins. They apparently were in a lot of pain and used to scream a lot – their mother overdosed them on morphine to kill them and relieve their pain. 

Do you wonder if put in a horrible situation of any kind you hang on to hope of things getting better or just want to escape the misery.I read stories of the survivors of the holocaust and how some of them went ahead and had a full life. Maybe some of them would feel that living through that torture was worth how their life turned out? 

But that’s the thing about life isn’t it? We can’t sit and brood – because then it is a downward spiral. The world will just look darker and darker. 

We need to believe in hope, be resilient about today and revel in the beautiful memories of the past. 

The past, the present and the future are yours to make your life beautiful. 

Let go of the negativity and regrets.. Just let go because it is your life to make beautiful …

I apologise for the morbid thoughts and all the mumbo jumbo that I have written but my mind is just full of this and I was hoping writing would clear my mind. 

L is Live just really live the moment.

You know that moment when you are looking at an amazing sunset and then decide oh wait let me click it, then Instagram it, then share it across media and remember to hashtag it well.

That’s when you break the moment. The beauty of the moment and the thoughts you had are broken.

I read of this concept in the Dalai lama’s cat – mindful consciousness. It’s being totally aware and in the moment.

In today’s times of social media and so many distractions we lack that. Even now while I type this blog, I have the TV on.

When was the last time we drank a cup of coffee and enjoyed it as just that a cup of coffee. Early morning grogginess doesn’t count because you are not fully aware.

I for one just can’t do one thing. While I cook, rather than enjoy the process of smelling the spices and watching them mix, I switch on the washing machine, fill water, Google recipes, clean up.

Even while watching tv, I can’t just do that so I play games on my phone or chat or iron or google something which has caught my attention. I can’t just sit and watch TV.

I know it’s not just me. So many times you are out with friends having a great time when you either stop to capture the moment, check with friends if they like how they look, upload it and wait for comments. Or someone gets a ping on their phone and is visibly distracted by what’s happening on their phone. The moment is effectively broken.

I wonder if we are scared of being truly in the moment. And if so, what are we scared of ? Are we scared to really having those intense moments of peace and happiness.

Or are we just an extremely distracted generation. It’s not just us. It’s our parents too. They too have been dragged into this social media, too many things to do at once phenomena – though I do think they handle it better maybe because they are more responsible .

I admire the peace I see on my grandparents faces as they sit in the balcony in the evening and just look out. Together – watching the eagles soar, the sky change colour and the birds head home . Every single day.

I can’t stand at my balcony for more than 5-10 minutes before i am distracted and feel the need to click or check my phone or go back in.

We need to switch off other distractions and really live – live for the moment .

Maybe the reason we are so stressed is not because we have so many things to do and lead a fast paced life. Maybe it’s because we have too many things jostling for our attention and we think we to allow it all in.

Switch off your tv – it’s like another baby vying for your attention. And when you do watch TV- do just that. Maybe we will find TV a lot less junk if we reduce our exposure.

Refuse to check social media – it’s like the irritating person who cuts into people’s conversations or keeps interrupting your thoughts. Schedule some time everyday maybe twice where you take our 20 mins to check be on social media.

And even if you are one of those not into social media or TV – I bet you are in a minority if you know just how to exist in the moment.

We need to learn to breathe – breathe in and breathe out.

Live – just really Live every moment.

this is my entry for the April blogathon for the letter L.

Today is the beginning of the rest of my life

So yesterday was my last day at work, I have taken a year long sabbatical . I am taking time out to figure out what makes me tick, what my passion is or I I have some ounce of talent in me

It helps that the reason for my sabbatical is that the Tall one has found a job in another city.

I am grateful to have this opportunity, nervous I won’t do enough, nervous coz I have never not worked – never had a time in my life at least after joining school where there was no intangible goal .

I am a little scared of the unknown. I have tonnes of thoughts but no plans. 1 year seems like a long time but can be gone so soon.

The world tells me I will figure it out but I think the world over estimates me. I am not so sure.

5 years down the line I hope I don’t look back on this decision with a tinge of regret.

Keep me in your thoughts! And wish me well…

A whole new world awaits me !