Tag Archives: Funnies

Happy Blogger and a Tag

I have come to the conclusion – that i LOVE Blogging.

Yes i am new to this but i love the fact that i can express my thoughts and feelings to unbiased bloggers and get tremendous support/advice from such awesome people…Yes u can take a bow.

And better still i feel like a part of their world..So we get to know Buzz stories, their opinion on television, feminism,mangoes in their garden,you learn that their first theatre role was the same as yours, robberies in their homes, their daily existence and updates, their 100 days together,their ability to drive motorcycles in mumbai, (standing ovation btw)baby names, neighbours doing it rather noisily, beautiful poems and stories…its pretty amazing. At times you empathize, at times u envy, at times u wonder if it is you who is writing this and at times u learn to appreciate things around you more. It surprises me that u actually starting caring for the person…Sometimes i think it’s strange that i have faceless friends who i share a lot more with than my ‘facefull’ friends!

So thank u people…for delurking, for your comments, for visiting (i would prefer comments – but thank u nevertheless). Thank u for sometimes putting things in perspective, for sometimes advising and sometimes just ur hugs – I always end up feeling ‘lighter” and “better”

Now enough of senti – now i show off …. I got my first indiblogger rank – 71…and they say i should be thrilled…so here goes yay…also blog adda chose this post of mine as a “Spicy Saturday pick”…so yay again…!

This seems to be the flavour of last week (i am lazy and hence 1 week late)

Ajay tagged me to – so here goes

Rules — I am taking the path set by comfy and T and not following the rules…so here goes

Asked someone to marry you? Innocent…i only hint,kick and punch until i get my way

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Of course…don’t we all??? and girls smell so much better 😛

Danced on a table in a bar? Guilty – not once twice…Once i was being ragged and forced into it…in the middle of the college canteen i danced to mera piya ghar aya and the second time was at some random place..where every1 danced on the table…so i followed like a good girl! Oh the question was in a bar…okay just once 😀

Ever told a lie? Innocent – Lie – who me? the Angel…???…Ummm did i have to do this truthfully?

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Innocent – refer to question 1…i get my way

Kissed a picture? Guilty – thank god i am not alone on this one!

Slept in until 5 PM? Guilty…i am Kumbhakaran’s younger sister when it comes to sleeping!

Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty!

Held a snake? Innocent – I might call myself nut…but i am not totally nuts!

Been suspended from school? Innocent – finally!

Been fired from a job? Innocent.

Done something you regret? Guilty. Would u believe me if i said otherwise

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Ummm…not sure

Kissed in the rain? Guilty.

Sat on a roof top? Guilty and didn;t know how to get down. So sat on the roof and howled. P.s. i was 7 then.

Kissed someone you shouldn’t? Titaxy wants to know who makes rules of should/shouldn’t. Once she finds out i shall answer this one

Sang in the shower? Guilty. Indian idol doesn’t know what they are missing

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Guilty – i know many mean people

Shaved your head? Guilty. My mother is also mean types

Had a boxing membership? Innocent. Does playing boxing on my wii count

Made a girlfriend cry? Guilty.

Been in a band? Guilty

Shot a gun? Innocent

Donated Blood? Guilty

Eaten alligator meat? Guilty but taking a cue from someone else – i would like to feed Ajay to an alligator for tagging me on this one…it’s never ending

Eaten cheesecake? Drawing flowers with my toe…Guilty

Still love someone you shouldn’t? Should i love the Tall One? Is he lovable…He doesn’t EVER listen to what i am saying when the TV is on…So should i should i?

Have/had a tattoo? Innocent…Good girl types

Liked someone, but will never tell who? Guilty…I liked Rinke Khanna (as an actress) but people will mock me if i do

Been too honest? ALl the bloody time,..except in this tag 😛

Ruined a surprise? Guilty – read question above

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterward? Guilty – u think i have a “few extra” kilos from reading blogs?

Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty

Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Jeans = man’s clothes?

joined a pageant: Guilty …forced forced…i am not so pretty and no i didn’t win

Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty…if they didn’t mean it…i will hit, kick and punch with my muskels!

Had communication with your ex? Guilty – weird as it sounds we are friends!

Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent. (Ram Ram)

Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty – most of the time…and to feel better i go to sleep 😀

Ok..guys take it up…if u feel like answering a million questions!

Have a great day!


Treasure chest of memories

When i started writing this post – it was not supposed to be a funny one…it was supposed to be about feelings, nostalgia and warm mushy thoughts…But the events that have transpired in the last 5 hours have deemed otherwise.

Mr Insomnia has taken up residence in the Nut and last night i couldn’t sleep until 5 in the morning! So i did the usual – played crappy Facebook games, snooped on random people’s Facebook accounts, watched TV, read the newspapers…and checked my mail. Useless worthless recent mails checked and i decided to read my old mails.

The earliest mail dated back to 2002 – and were a mixed lot..

Flirtatious mails exchanged with some guy i would have liked to go out with – Looking at the date i am quite sure i was dating someone at the same time :D…Sighh wild youth!

Admission letter email from my B-school – i still remember the excitement and the pride of the moment! I remember my excited mom jumping around the room!

Random mails exchanged with batch-maters during our internship (summers in B-school parlance) – funny mails exchanged with the Tall One who was just another batchmate at that time…I have always wondered why that first mail was exchanged – we weren’t friends and we had no reason to keep in touch (Mr Destiny…do u know?)

Mails exchanged with my school friends in Port Blair during the 2004 Tsunami – reconnecting with them and sharing memories of the wonderful place that is Andamans.!

A million funny mails exchanged with a dear friend who i will always look upto as a mentor…who helped me immensely in surviving B-school, who believed in me helluvalot, his mail telling me how i was going to rock my first job – the friend who i have lost touch with 😦

Mail from my first organization with induction details, my indicative payslip and my first role details..the faint glint of tears in my mom’s eyes when i showed it to her!

Excited mails from various batchmates when they started on their new jobs – in my mind’s eye i could visualize them with determined “i am going to climb this corp ladder thingy” looks in their eyes.

Mail from one of my friends about how i had helped his relationship (Note to self: Forward to friend…the grateful attitude has reduced!)

A mail from Cheeni (Between our first year and second year) telling me that A had finally fallen for her cheeni charms… Background: Cheeni has had a crush on A since 2000 BC. 1998…

The mail went such…Mind u the Subject matter of the mail was ” MY DREAM”

and i quote verbatim –

hi jaan…
where u… have been msgg u but no reply… ok.. me as usual went on a foot in mouth trip with A.. turned out kwite ok…v.v.v.funny incident.. but he finally told me that he is crazy about me… n that he loves me completely… of course the bit of uncerainity with his future n whether i’ll be able to deal with a mad person like him ..clouds his mind..saz this is a bad
time to take any decision.. will speak with me after i come back from _____… 🙂 lets see.. but atleastnow i know that i wasnt a fool… wasnt waiting for nothing.. patience paid! he is worht it yaar…anyway.. me happy duck! love u loads..n pleez reply on my cell…nothing to my dad;s cell…
chalo babe…
miss uuuuu

U can feel the happiness in Cheeni’s words..cant u and then i read the words “HAPPY DUCK”…Happy Duck?????? Oh boy i couldn’t stop laughing and the minute i reached office i forwarded this mail to A and Cheeni

Nut: This 7 year old find might interest u…p.s. A – this is my birthday gift to u 😀 –

A: Are you serious Cheeni ..????? who writes like that ..????? – and I did not say ‘I am crazy about you’ – I said I can kinda tolerate you now, but also told you to please stop bothering me- . gawddddd?> Nut: Thanks, this is a pretty cool birthday present – know any good divorce lawyers in Mumbai? – and please forward any other gems you might have hidden in your treasure chest.

Also Nut and Cheeni – u guys should marry each other !!! (All the hugs and kisses)
A is very jealous about Nut and Cheeni…we were ahem tails of each other for the 2 yrs in B-school )

At this point of time..both A and the Nut sending messages to clueless Cheeni who is in a meeting telling her about her impeding divorce.

Nut: Yes I also thought we would marry until 9th march 2003 when u made Cheeni a happie duck by telling her that u are completely crazy about her and can’t live without her and she is your oxygen!. She then dumped me like a hot potato coz I didn’t know romantic dialogues (read soapy!, filmy) like u…So then I had to go, brush up my filmi dialogue language and catch the Tall One. u and ur filmy tu meri jaan hai dialogues killed the romance of the century. Hmmmmph!

A: I can safely say that I have changed in the last 7 years, and I can no longer deliver romantic (read filmy, soapy!) dialogues…. happie duck … really, who knew people could write like that. You can have her now- I shall gratefully make way for you two to resume your romance.

Nut: But I don’t want used goods now…jiske saath mera romance tha who ganga jaise pure thi, who duckie nahi thi…yeh koi paraya hai …yeh meri Cheeni nahi ho sakti…u can keep ur happie oxygen giving duck! (i can;t translate this even if i wont too :D)

A: What if I don’t want to…??????

Cheeni: you both r mean…make fun of little duck’s emotions…go…not talking

Nut & A: High Fi’s A – mission accomplished

So ladies and gentlemen – due to disownment(?!!!) by key stakeholders , the happy duck is now up for adoption…Free free!!! ( in fact if u insist we’ll pay u)

So the next time u can’t sleep – dig into your mails…a treasure chest of memories is there – waiting to be opened!

P.S. Do u think Cheeni can sue me for plagiarism for her mail..or for using her signature mark – “HAPPY DUCK”

Of Checklists…

Now i am all about the education. Given below is a checklist of all actionables in the situation given below

Situation: Tickets to the Delhi-Mumbai IPL match being given to an elite few in office

Start praying that “office-ji” thinks i am worthy of the same: Check
Refresh mail every 3 mins to see if i have chosen few: Check
Get jealous each time u hear people mention they have been given tickets: Check
Think in mind “time to quit” (Hello! i celebrate my fourth year of being in this org in April and no ticket for me???): Check
Do a jig when boss informs you that u are among the chosen few:Check
Delete resignation letter which has been written in head:Check
Taunt the Tall One and all friends interested in IPL about match: Check

on a side note to be effective- taunt every 5 mins or whenever bored whichever is faster

Update Facebook status on mobile with Tra-la-la-la to ignite curiosity: Check
Follow office ticket distribution lady until she gives u ticket: Check

To ensure you are always remembered for future tickets – give a speech on how excited u are, how much this means to u and how you watched another match…the lady might be looking bored but trust me thats just an act and of course she is going to remember u

On the day of the match
Spend a lot of time deciding what to wear – Well i might be spotted on TV by Vidhu Vinod Chopra who might cast me in his next movie: Check
Reach office and realize Flourescent green T-shirts are being provided. Sigh, remove hep match clothes, try on multiple sizes until u find one where the T-shirt is not too short, too long, too tight or too loose: Check
Don’t eat lunch as you are too excited: Check
Regret decision as it takes you two hours to reach the venue (Just in time for a 4:30 match): Check

At the stadium
Wear T-shirts inside out as Mumbai Indians sponsors considered our flourescent T-shirts as “AMBUSH MARKETING”….Come on i didn’t even learn about this marketing at B-school ( Could i have slept thru the lecture?) : Check.
Get hold of a whistle and keep blowing it (the beginning of a match can be boring): Check
To make things really exciting have a whistle blowing session with colleagues. We are wearing our T-shirts inside afterall.
Dear Vidhu Vinod Chopra – the girl in flourescent green inside out T-shirt with red clips incessantly blowing her whistle debuted as cinderella’s step sister in the fourth standard….just saying

During the match
Recite Sachin Sachin, Scream, Dance, Laugh, Drink, pass envious glances to the cheerleaders legs, attempt a few mexican waves and of course TAUNT DELHI_ITES on their FLOP SHOW!
Ha! Ha! What a match DD supporters hide ur face!

After the match

Stop Blowing the whistle – Realize that the match is over and people on marine drive are planning to throw u into the sea if u don’t stop…

Dear Tall one- 3 hours of whistle blowing makes it a habit…can’t u understand that??? Let me blow my whistle at home Pleaseeee!

Cheeni & Meanie!

So i mentioned in my previous blog about how on the occasion of “All fools day” i was going to tell my “bff” that i was pregnant…Hmmm now that didn’t go exactly how i planned. so the conversation went like this

The evil plan is already cooked up in the Nut’s head. and the stars are all aligned as the Nut can see Cheeni is calling!

Cheeni – meanie u not meeting me coz of your aerobics (the devious cheeni is scheming if i dont let her go for aerobics i iwll be the hottie friend and she will be the fat friend)

Nut – No not going

Cheeni (Sounding suspicious) – Whhy???

Nut – I have been advised not to

Cheeni – Whhyyy, Tell babe

Nut – i think i am preggie – took a home test yesterday and is showing +ve will go to doc tomm and confirm..

Cheeni – did u do the home test properly – How many times did u try?

Nut fumbles thru this – not used the home test – has no clue how to use it and how it shows results – using knowledge from TV serial friends…and they say TV is not educational

Cheeni – (choking voice) – God babe! i am so happy for u – c i told u, you would be the first one – I am going to Divorce A (her husband who is kinda anti the baby making business) and i am not going to speak to u for ditching me! but i am happy for u. Ok i need to get back. Evil boss has meeting

On a sidenote – Cheeni feels she should have a baby because she wants six months off – away from her silly boss. A doesn’t think that is a valid reason …i wonder why??

Nut comes back to desk – feeling guilty for making Cheeni feel chokkie types, feeling guilty about A and Cheeni’s impending divorce decides to end hoax on sms (What call HER and have her YELL at me…no i am chicken)

Nut at 13:33: Babe check the date on the calendar once and Please REMEMBER HOW MUCH U LOVe ME and HOW SWEET I am

Cheeni at 13:33: B****

Nut at 13:40 – do u still love me?

Nut at 13:41 – Do u? Do u? my cheeni no?

Nut at 13:42: My lambu no? See i told u immediately instead of extending it. I not so bad no. Say something or i stalk u

(thinks in head – Attention seeking Cheeni must be loving the flurry of sms)

Nut at 13:44: If i meet u in the evening will u talk to me?

Nut at 13:45 – Come onnnn…u can’t resist me..my pretty toes, my pretty eyes, my pretty me

Nut at 13:48 – U can’t be so mean to me 😦 see i can’t work also 😦 i feel guilty but i small baby na…promise promise i never do again

Nut at 13:49 – Lip out (Conjures cute image of herself and tries to transfer to cheeni thru telepathy)

Nut at 13:50 – phew i am tired now (kitna bhaav khati hai)

Nut at 13;55 – nine messages in nine mmins…cmon cheeni me feeling v bad…u thhink there is an award for fastest message typer

Mail sent to Cheeni – pretty pretty cheeni

Nut at 14:01 – Lip Paining, knee hurting, heart sadding, Help meee

Cheeni at 14:01- Say you are a mean girl. You play with people’s emotions

nut repeats faithfully

Cheeni at 14:02 – Say you are like vasu rajvansh (for the ignorant ppl – she is the vamp in the serial bidaai.. Cheeni and i are quite sad and a lot of all lives revolve around 2 soaps)

Nut: yes yes – like vr and evil sil put into one

Cheeni – say u will treat me like a princess now and get me gifts

Nut: NO princess only 1 gift

Cheeni: Ook big gift

Nut: Yes big gift – lill person to call u cheeni maasi

Cheeni – b****!

(cheee cheeni – what will ur mommy say??)

Things to do

In my constant endeavour to improve myself – it is the beginning of a new quarter and these are the things i need to do on a priority basis on 1st April

1. Tell husband about project in Singapore- from 12th April to 18th June
2. Tell best friend and good friend who is office colleague that i think i am pregnant and will be seeing the doc to confirm tomm
3. Tell blog world the same

But since i nice and all – i shall tell u guys that hehehe..this is all part of my APril Fool plan…

p.s. to update u – have informed bff “Cheeni” – sniff feeling a bit bad, Cheeni almost started crying …(Gulp Gulp) – i am going to get it when i break the news
Tall One too has been told and is currently putting on the “I am supportive” husband look…

Sniff i am feeling bad – i think i wont play any april fool tricks…or should i?

What are your thoughts this first of April????