Tag Archives: Family

Comfortably Numb

Inspired by this blog of Tanishka’s-whose blog I have just started reading and totally loving it. I am still trying not to judge her for loving Karan Singh Grover but ummm whatever.

So my dream job as a child – I think when I was perhaps somewhere between 8-12 years old – was to own a store. A store where everything was sold right from screws and nails to Barbie dolls to furniture. The idea was everything under the sun.

My Store was called ummm – “Sweet heart Store”…why u ask? Was I one of those kids who grew up too fast and wanted a sweetheart? Nope! The answer lies in my artistic skills…I could pretty much only draw hearts and hence the logo of my store pretty much determined its name. The colours of the hearts were purple and pink- coming to think of it – I should charge coffee day royalty for stealing my colours. I used to write letters to suppliers when my stock ran out complete with the “Sweet heart logo”. I would write thank you letters to customers who appreciated my service.

Sweet heart store was a part of my company called the “Red eye” corporation – which also was in the business of printing birthday cards, writing stories and so on. The red eye corporation had a logo – a sad looking flying bird with a red eye…once again my creativity was limited by my lack of artist skills. Remnants of the red eye corporation can be found with the grannies and the mother in the form of birthday cards, anniversary cards and the like.

I think around the the same time want to be a “vamp” in movies duh – primarily driven by the astounding success of me as Cinderella’s step sister. My grandparents had come to watch the play at school and were shocked that the soft spoken shy I (yes I was that way) could act so brilliantly. I must say I loved the adoration of the fans (the grandmother who recites the story to this day) and the filmfares I won..yes they were in my head but so what I won them didn’t I?

There was also this phase when I wanted to be an archaeologist – you know highest marks in history and all – until I realized that archaeology involved digging and mud and dust – all of which were really not my forte.

And then came along NDTV/Star news and I was all about war journalism – until I realized that there was a fairly high degree of danger to self – So jaan pyari decided that she would be a war journalist who would visit after a war and let people know about the after effects of a war.

But somewhere life took over – and the entrepreneur turned actress turned archaeologist turned journalist became a banker!

Why u ask? Because I think that sometimes life’s realities kill dreams. Ask me today do u want to be an entrepreneur and I will say No – cause I like my Saturday, Sunday’s off and I like my annual getaways and holidays and the like. And I am not willing to sacrifice even one year of the same. Archaeology and Journalism – at the time I decided to do commerce where not considered the most ‘reliable” source of income and hence discarded by the much too practical me.

Have I made the right choice? I don’t know?
Is it too late? – I think so…
Is this what I am meant to do? – Hell No- my life must be more than about being a banker?
Do I love my job?- No, but I don’t hate it on most days.
Is that a good sign? – I don’t know
Would I have loved doing the other things? – Who knows?
Will I crib about dreams left behind – of course
Will I regret it on my death bed – I will blog about that …umm from heaven I guess Smart alecs- I am going to heaven – I have halo and all

Will I make a change – No I won’t, I am much too complacent…
You see I have become comfortably numb


Didi, my life is over*

So the last weekend, the Tall one and I were heading over in swiffy reddy (our little red swift) to watch this highly intellectual movie called “Break Ke Baad” – when i found out that “Didi my life is over”….Ok so lets rewind a few minutes.

The nut is all dressed up – (Yes both eyeliner and lipstick are in place + mascara added for the full effect) and decides that it’s time to look at herself. So she moves the rear view mirror away from the driver (Tall one) to admire her so wonderfully put eyeliner – no caterpillar legs patterns and all. The Tall one protests and is ignored. Come on – looking at me is definitely a better use of the rear view mirror than looking at traffic.

Anyway as she admires her artwork – she sees….A GREY HAIR. There in my widow’s peak sitting prettily was my first grey hair.

She looked in astonishment – the words ringing in her head – “my life is over”. She shows it to the Tall One who starts laughing. He is mighty thrilled that she finally has grey hair.

Nut: “You meanie…how can u laugh so – i am now old and i dont even have a baby. You are not even feeling sad for me”
Tall one: “Hahahahahahaa – you expect me to feel sad when i got my first grey hair at 15???”

The Nut feels tears pricking her eyes as she sees her youth zoom past her. She can envisage herself creating a tag called “old age”. Soon there are tears – tears of deep sorrow from the Nut and tears of laughter from the Tall One.

You see, you hafta to understand – for the Nut, her jet black hair is the one sigh of her youth. The body resembles a 52 year old, the deep wisdom and maturity on her face doesn’t let her pass off as a teeny bopper either…So it was all about the hair and that was gone!!!

Anyway the big big tears totally ruined the beautiful non caterpillar eyeliner and the mascara made the Nut look like something from the exorcist.

With the husband being uncooperative about sympathy and all, the janani was called upon –
Nut sobbing: “Maaammmaaaa you know i got my first grey hair…i am now old”
Mama realizing that this was genuine sorrow: “No baby one grey hair is not old”
Do i sense a brave attempt at attempting to stop a laugh there 😦
Mama:“Where is the hair baby?”
Nut: “My widow’s peak. See i told you i should have shaved off the widow’s peak. then this would have never happened”
Mama“No baby that’s really lucky to get a grey hair on the widow’s peak”
Yes mom i may cry for so called life changing silly reasons but i am not 10 to believe that
Nut sensing that there is no real sympathy there hangs up.
However as a parting short a sms was sent to the Mater – You are now older coz you have an old baby

The rest of the drive was spent analyzing THE HAIR – a curious one indeed, black at the roots, grey in between and Black at the end…Huh???

The hair was tied in various modes to check what hides the grey hair.

Then it was decided that the grey hair was actually quite distinguished and added to the wisdom of the nut and should be elegantly displayed. So the hair was re-tied in various modes.

All this was with frequent interruptions from the Tall one who kept trying to hijack the rear view mirror…! i tell u he was at his most uncooperative…what with the laughing and hijacking and all.

So anyway for the next 2-3 days the eyeliner putting talents were not admired – it was all about the hair. The hair in sunlight, dark light, medium light – all the lights…and somewhere the nut starting feeling some affection for this little weirdo….the feeling of wisdom kept growing

Come Wednesday – a good 5 days after the incident. The Nut decided to put a facemask and was washing it away and noticed some hair had facemask on it and needed a good scrub

and that’s when it struck her….

The wisdom from the grey hair disappeared, the distinguished elegant look given a break for some years to come

and the Nut remembered a stray hair which had come in the way while she was bleaching her face!!!

yes folks that explains the black root and the black end and the grey in between.

Sigh and that’s what was up with me the whole of last weekend. Do you really blame me for not blogging. I mean i had like one strand of her to keep analyzing.

*Refers to the garnier ad when the girl notices her first grey and goes running to her sister saying – “Didi my life is over” until her wise sister recommends garnier colour something. So there!

Hey you,

It’s me – the person who probably knows you the best.

You will be 30 soon-yes, it’s more than a year away but a little advance planning has never hurt. It’s also the end of the year when you receive your annual assessment.

You started off the year well – you lost weight, had a healthy glow, the two of you made your home look so pretty. everything was organized. This looked like the year of growing up – didn’t it?

But life is never going to keep it that easy is it? There has to be the But

There came the change at the work place and the words “work life balance” seemed as mythical as the gardens of Babylon. Exercise was screwed up, the kilos piled on, you were exhausted, the organized life took a toss. and it’s all back to square one. The good work done “for you” was wiped off!

But i am so proud of how hard you worked this year – especially in the second half and it has been tough. I was there with you when u shed tears in the bathroom at being denied 12 days leave instead of 10 days! I was there when you were expected to work despite being unwell and there when you were given all the useless gyaan by so-called wise people. I was there when he called up every 15 mins to follow-up on your work.

But boy am i proud of how well you handled him, am i proud of how hard you have worked this year…But babe u need to take a decision and you know it.

So before you turn 30 – yes, it is more than a year away…but then again a little advance planning has never hurt anyone

  • Take a decision on your work – think about your priorities – maybe this role is fantastic but is it worth all that it demands. Take a decision and bear the consequences, don’t be miserable no more
  • Get a little more organized at home. Go grocery shopping else you will order in. Make your home pretty and for chriss sakes…put the goddamn paintings up
  • Exercise – at least some everyday – stop making excuses…at least 15 mins..you owe it to the girl who wants to wear those really cool clothes which are available only in smaller sizes
  • Take the steps at work…some part of your body will thank you
  • Swim – You love it so why not?
  • You are growing old – and yes your skin is well-behaved but stop taking it for granted. Be regular with removing makeup and moisturizing..and yes wear sun screen…ooh ooh is brushing your teeth at night asking for too much
  • Call the grannies more often. You know how happy they sound when you call. and while you are at do call the MIL more often. She is family
  • Eat fruits as a habit, not an obligation. Vege’s will do you good too and do you think you can say goodbye to aerated drinks – pesticides, sugar etc.
  • Pre-pay your home loan
  • Dress up once in a while – it wont kill you
  • Read more
  • Sleep more
  • Blog more and keep it true to you
  • Watch less TV, STOP playing Facebook games and Facebook snooping…in short I am telling you to get a life
  • Laugh and live it up. Be the positive person you are!
  • So here you are – bringing in your last year in the twenties and i am rooting for you girl!

    Love Me

    p.s. This is my fifty post – and i thought i should dedicate it to Me!!! Thank you guys for making blogging such a fun experience for me

    p.p.s In case you were wondering – i was in Sri Lanka and didn’t want my fifty post to be – Bye am off to Sri Lanka.

    The Deadly Duo

    I was scared…very scared…it’s that time of the year when u go to visit the in-laws…the in-laws to be precise refer to my MIL and my grand mother in law.

    They have been torturing me demanding this since 4 months of marriage (I AM NOT EXAGGERATING) – yes however dramatic i make it sound…u all know I am talking about a baby!

    Initially i did try to give the gyaan on career and being ready and all that, but those pretty much went this way

    The dutiful bahu aka me: Want to do blah blah in career and blah blah
    The baby wanters: Woh sab toh theek hai but bachche sabse zaroori hai (That;s all cool but kids are most important)

    The dutiful bahu: You need to mentally ready, financially blah blah
    The baby wanters: Hamare jaane ke pehle Tall one ke bache ke saath khelna hai (Before we go to say hello to the good lord, we want to play with the Tall one’s kids)

    So ultimately i decide to do what i do best: SMILE and act deaf dumb and blind!

    Usually the Tall one is spared this discussion or disappears from it. Apparently Tall one ko toh bachche bahut pasand hai (Tall one really likes kids)…so it must be all my fault…coz i think that they think in my free time i go around spanking kids!!! Hmmmph

    So anyway to get back to the main story…i was really worked up before going to Delhi…coz nowadays the pressure is immense…worrying almost…so i went to get advice to shake the baby wanters off

    So i consult my very intelligent friend A who tells me of her even more intelligent friend hence forth referred to as EMI. even more intelligent

    Now EMI’s MIL asked her about kids…pat comes her reply “Try toh kar rahe hai but G (EMI’s Husband) ko tests ki zaroorat hai…(we are trying but G needs some tests).

    apparently EMI’s MIL has been silenced since.

    Armed with this knowledge i went to Tall One and said that this time if he escapes when the topic starts this would be my answer…he of course didn’t cooperate with my idea..and being the eternal optimist he said he would handle it with some elaborate discourse on the future of his career.

    So anyway armed with our superior weapons – The first being a consultant’s 4 year horizon plan on our future and the second an atom bomb to my husband’s ego, we bravely left for Delhi.

    Ummm…well it was an anti climax…we hardly got any baby questions other than the fact that when Tall one was being congratulated for his promotion…i was told that my next promotion was to be of a “different” kind.

    to tell u the truth i was getting freaked out that noone was asking…maybe they had some grander scheme in mind like voodoo or something to ensure the baby reaches my tummy when i eat an apple or something

    Anyway…Singing La La La…The tall one and the nut are leaving for Mumbai when…

    MIL : Next time this year i want an addition to the family
    MIL : Yes Yes next year THIS time

    GMIL: Mera Jaane ke pehle (BEfore i go)
    Tall One: Kahan Jane ke pehle? Bangalore? (Before u go where? Bangalore)


    MIL : NUT, are u listening
    Nut: No Mummy
    MIL: Tall One,Are u listening
    Tall One: NO

    Ha! We are a team after all!!! Hi-Fi!

    p.s. do u think a puppy qualifies as an addition? Do u think my MIL would have found me cute if i mentioned a puppy!!!

    Musing from an aeroplane window

    Darkness is always associated with something evil or something depressing.
    But we who live in the city don’t know what darkness is.
    You realize when you look out of the window from a dimly lit night flight.
    You are flying over deserted land and see darkness…so dark and beautiful – so peaceful and serene.
    You wish you could sleep every night in this environment.
    Am sure the weariness we feel would be lifted if only our nights were as dark as this

    You realize in wonder that the world is round after all
    when beyond the darkness, in the horizon you see a light pink light.
    In that land beyond, someone is packing their bag to go back home,
    Someone is looking forward to the best time of the day with their family
    They have a little bit of the day left – just a little bit.

    And then you see your city from the air.
    So beautiful at night with all its lights
    The lights look like a cluster of diamonds
    The dirt, the slums, the ugliness all hidden
    You feel a tug in your heart
    A city you have spent 13 years of your life.

    There was a time when this city meant
    Coming home to mamma,our happy life here – shopping, fighting et all
    It meant friends and hostel and all the madness that friendship involves
    Today sometimes the city seems a mechanical place where i drift in and out of an office
    But then comes the weekend and the city transforms
    To a happy place with my home, friends and my weekend life
    Ensuring i can never be indifferent to this tough city

    The flight lands,
    I have been away from this city only a day
    A few minutes of “intense” coordination see me in my comfortable swiffy reddy (red swift…duhhh)
    With him who makes any place home.

    It’s been so long since…

    – I looked up at the sky and saw stars
    – I heard only the sound of waves
    – I saw snow
    – I left office and saw some form of sunlight
    – I felt full of energy
    – I slept and woke up feeling fresh
    I we felt rested
    – I enjoyed work
    – I enjoyed a workout
    – I updated my CV
    – I listened to good music while driving
    – My laptop behaved like a 21st century processor
    – I got a pedicure
    – I got a mommy hug
    – I heard the grannies snore
    – I went home to Bangalore
    – I had a crazy conversation with Cheeni
    – I had a good girly chat on men, sex, relationships, women and life in general
    – I went on a girls night out
    – I enjoyed shopping
    – I called friends over for a meal
    – I felt like being “OCD”ish abt the house
    – I received a compliment on how i look
    – I called my MIL
    – I kept in touch with some old friends
    – We had a “restful” holiday
    – You kissed me –

    yes the last kiss was more than 12 hrs ago but yay your flight lands in like an hour or so. At least some things have a solution in the near future 🙂

    I have literally made a To-do list haven’t I???

    Monday Musings

    Mala could feel tears pricking her eyes as she walked towards the shaadi ka mandap. She knew she should be happy but she couldn’t quieten her thoughts.

    Was this marriage equivalent to being separated from her mother? She shook her head – a 16 year old crying over her umbilical cord being cut…!

    She could hear murmurs from the crowd as she walked past. She strained her ears to see if they were discussing the age or were they remembering him?

    He who meant the world to her – she wondered if she could accept another man in his place.

    With a start Mala realized she had reached the mandap and the jai mala was to start.

    As the jai-mala took place,she saw him look at her – the warmth in his smile, the adoration in his eyes.

    She smiled, took the flowers from her cousin’s hand and joined the others in showering the couple.

    She was glad she had supported her mother’s decision to re-marry.