Jai Nuttie Mata ki! 

Oh good! Now you can spend time with the elf.

What made you leave your job now? After he is 3 years old.

Don’t you feel it is so much better for the elf that you quit your job?

If you were the random aunty or those “holier than thou human beings” I would smile and say yes. While I seethe inside. Do people really think that a mother would do something which is not good for their kid as they are implying me going to work was. Do they really mean to imply that I was being selfish because I chose to work over staying at home. 

How do I explain to them that I am not a bad mother nor do I love my kid less  because I felt no guilt at going to work. Don’t get me wrong, I had my days of guilt, my days of wondering If it was all worth it – but on an average I was happy! 

I don’t believe in living in guilt. I have always maintained that the elf was my priority and the day I felt that the elf was suffering or I was suffering because I went to work I would give it up.

I don’t believe the elf is better off or worse off because I worked for the first three years of his life. Online you will find all the pros and cons to working mothers. So I am not going to elaborate. 

Coming back to me – No, I didn’t quit out of guilt. I didn’t have a eureka moment 3 years later that I horror or horrors sent my kid to a daycare. 

I quit for me.

I reached a point where the next steps in my career in the banking sector didn’t ignite a passion in me. I felt empty. I felt I needed to do more for my soul. 

Sure being at home would make things logistically much easier because the elf had started school but that wasn’t my primary reason. 

The main reason I quit was me.

In India, for a woman the word ‘me’ is taboo – you always quit because of marriage or kids or parents or because your husband changed locations. 

But imagine a mother saying she chose not to work to find herself . 

Quitting for yourself is tough to explain. It’s tough to tell people that today if I find something I am truly passionate about I would go back to working. Sure I will look for more flexibility because I wanted to spend more time with the elf but yes I want to go back into the workforce. 

I have realised I can’t explain myself.i explain myself to the ones that matter. I think they see my view point. But to the rest of the world I am ok being the “good mother”

Beta good thing you quit. See elf is more friendly now –

Yes Aunty – all for him!

Now everyone say Jai Nuttie Mata ki! 

(Loosely translated to All hail mother nuttie) 

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Jai Nuttie Mata ki! 

  1. vishalbheeroo

    Oh!! Those Jai Mata Di!!! Prem se bolo…mein gyan deti hoon!! Just tell them to shut up. I mean, what’s wrong in taking a decision for the ME. Individuality matters for you don’t, no one will:)
    Proud of you, Nuttie Mata:)

    Reply
  2. Truly Happy

    Hello there Nuttie,

    I am so glad to see a post from you.

    I sent my Bambi deer (dear rather) to nursery when she was 10 months old and I was still breastfeeding her. I did feel guilty on days when she cried non stop as I dropped her off at the nursery. Also one time I vividly remember the nursery staff asking me ” what does Ammaaan mean in Indian language?” as that is one word seemingly Bambi used to call out whenever she woke up from her naps. Instanly I realised it was not Ammaaan but Amma as Bambi calls me. I felt terrible, awful and hated myself for going to work at such times.

    Leaving the guilt aside, thinking practically, my career was on a rise those days and if I had quit work then it would not have been end of the world but I guess for the rest of my life I would have felt bad about quitting my career. So I am glad I continued.Aunties and even uncle jis in the family thought I was a bad mother but to be honest Bambi and I share a very special bond and I dont think going to work made me a bad mother at all.

    My personal view is that a child needs one parent to be available constantly. By this I dont mean one staying at home forever but I guess to be around when they come home from nursery/school, to keep an eye on their progress etc etc and this can still be achieved by maintaining a good balance between work and home. I know of kids in Bambi’s school who have working parents and Nannies or Aupairs look after them after school and I do not judge such parents but I enjoy dropping my child off to school, picking her up, putting her to bed, reading her school diary etc and I think Bambi also loves it. Hence I think it helps to have atleast one parent around.

    Your post has come about at the right time. Just yesterday I think I have made up mind ( nearly 80%) that I am going to take a career break when we relocate to Bangalore because I am happy with what I have achieved so far in my career and perhaps now its time to slow down. I want to give it a shot and see how things work by being a stay at home mom. Still thinking..

    just to come to the ‘ME’ bit in your post, I spoke to my Boss recently and in the passing mentioned that a job for me in India is currently last thing on our minds as we manage our relocation plans. His reply was something along the lines of : Its great to be a dutiful daughter, DIL, wife, mother but beyond all this is YOU- a woman with your own dreams, your own potential and it is important to be true to YOURSELF as well. So do what is right for YOU.” and much more…. I will write a post about it soon.

    so yes, Nuttie Mata ki Jai but not because Elf is more friendly now but because Nuttie Mata is happy where she is, doing what she is happy doing !

    Reply
  3. The Girl in Blue Jeans

    Hahaha! Nuttie, loved it! 🙂
    It is indeed tough for people to accept that you are ok sending your kid to daycare (horrors!) and you might actually want to do something beyond and without the kid. Sigh. If only.
    Jai Mata Nuttie ki indeed! 😀

    Reply
  4. parijatshukla2014

    You would be a good friend to my wife….Happily catering to two young sons and enjoyiung all the “me” time 🙂 🙂

    Reply
  5. Boomerang

    I am there with you o n the ‘ guilt free working moms’ ship. I just work because I like to. I will quit, again if I want to.. So sick of these ppl… Ignore and be happy…

    Reply
  6. Dil On The Rocks

    I’m responding to this too late, but I had to because of was thinking of doing the same. Quitting work for myself. Not sure if I will do it , but the urge is strong. How do you like it now? ☺

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s