Daily Archives: January 10, 2011

Comfortably Numb

Inspired by this blog of Tanishka’s-whose blog I have just started reading and totally loving it. I am still trying not to judge her for loving Karan Singh Grover but ummm whatever.

So my dream job as a child – I think when I was perhaps somewhere between 8-12 years old – was to own a store. A store where everything was sold right from screws and nails to Barbie dolls to furniture. The idea was everything under the sun.

My Store was called ummm – “Sweet heart Store”…why u ask? Was I one of those kids who grew up too fast and wanted a sweetheart? Nope! The answer lies in my artistic skills…I could pretty much only draw hearts and hence the logo of my store pretty much determined its name. The colours of the hearts were purple and pink- coming to think of it – I should charge coffee day royalty for stealing my colours. I used to write letters to suppliers when my stock ran out complete with the “Sweet heart logo”. I would write thank you letters to customers who appreciated my service.

Sweet heart store was a part of my company called the “Red eye” corporation – which also was in the business of printing birthday cards, writing stories and so on. The red eye corporation had a logo – a sad looking flying bird with a red eye…once again my creativity was limited by my lack of artist skills. Remnants of the red eye corporation can be found with the grannies and the mother in the form of birthday cards, anniversary cards and the like.

I think around the the same time want to be a “vamp” in movies duh – primarily driven by the astounding success of me as Cinderella’s step sister. My grandparents had come to watch the play at school and were shocked that the soft spoken shy I (yes I was that way) could act so brilliantly. I must say I loved the adoration of the fans (the grandmother who recites the story to this day) and the filmfares I won..yes they were in my head but so what I won them didn’t I?

There was also this phase when I wanted to be an archaeologist – you know highest marks in history and all – until I realized that archaeology involved digging and mud and dust – all of which were really not my forte.

And then came along NDTV/Star news and I was all about war journalism – until I realized that there was a fairly high degree of danger to self – So jaan pyari decided that she would be a war journalist who would visit after a war and let people know about the after effects of a war.

But somewhere life took over – and the entrepreneur turned actress turned archaeologist turned journalist became a banker!

Why u ask? Because I think that sometimes life’s realities kill dreams. Ask me today do u want to be an entrepreneur and I will say No – cause I like my Saturday, Sunday’s off and I like my annual getaways and holidays and the like. And I am not willing to sacrifice even one year of the same. Archaeology and Journalism – at the time I decided to do commerce where not considered the most ‘reliable” source of income and hence discarded by the much too practical me.

Have I made the right choice? I don’t know?
Is it too late? – I think so…
Is this what I am meant to do? – Hell No- my life must be more than about being a banker?
Do I love my job?- No, but I don’t hate it on most days.
Is that a good sign? – I don’t know
Would I have loved doing the other things? – Who knows?
Will I crib about dreams left behind – of course
Will I regret it on my death bed – I will blog about that …umm from heaven I guess Smart alecs- I am going to heaven – I have halo and all

Will I make a change – No I won’t, I am much too complacent…
You see I have become comfortably numb

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