Monthly Archives: July 2010

A leopard never changes his spots!

The front page of today’s mumbai mirror talks about Dimpy Ganguly walking out of their house after a “night of domestic violence”…It’s sad that poor girl looks a shadow of her childlike self as seen in the show.

I am sure Rahul Mahajan’s PR is working overtime right now to prove that Dimpy did this for publicity and never really wanted to marry Rahul…Now while the couple along with the newspapers and columnists debate who is right and who is wrong, we will all be subject to another Shoeb, Ayesha, Sania scenario. Yikess!!!

But to get back to the point on domestic violence – as per a NHFS india report 33% of the women in India in the age group of 15-49 have faced some form of domestic violence. Another survey done in the US suggests that 42.8% of the women surveyed have faced some form of abuse or the other.

What’s scary is there is very high probability that at least one of the women around you is a victim of domestic violence. She is probably walking around with a smile on her face -but in her heart, she lives her life walking on egg shells, never knowing what is going to “inspire” the next slap.

Now i am no expert on domestic violence, i have seen it at close quarters but that doesn’t mean i understand what a victim goes thru…these are just my thoughts on the same.

There are some women for whom the decision seems seemingly tough – the ones who are economically dependent, have no parental support and are uneducated.

But one wonders why a women who is educated, self-sufficient and confident stays on…it seems easy enough to open the door and walk out …doesn’t it?

Until it happens to u…

None of us can claim to understand it…

She sometimes stays because of obvious reasons – social stigma, your children, parental pressure. It seems so unfair that these factors weigh more than her self-confidence, her dignity and more importantly her safety.

But at times, I think that at the core of it is the abuser. Once the anger has lived its life, the a** is likely to promise profusely, showering gifts (for additional impact might shed tears )that they dont know what came over them, this wont happen again and that they are trying real hard. TRYING??? How difficult is it to keep ur hand down u moron…tie up your hands with a rope to help u remember.

This is likely to make a lot of victims believe it’s not all bad, they look at the positive aspects in the guy and decide a drastic step is not required and they stay on…until the next time when the cycle of violence is repeated.

And that’s why it’s heartening when a 22 year old Dimpy walks out on an abusive marriage in 4 months and decides enough is enough. in the report do see she mentions that he is a nice guy

A marriage which everyone and their aunt had predicted was just for publicity. A marriage ear-marked to fail, which probably gave her many worldly pleasures including a super luxurious honeymoon, a union which took her away from being a wannabe model and made her a social butterfly. Walking out is going to yield her a lot of “Told u so’s” and “She’s doing it for publicity” but at least she can walk without fear.

As Tagore said – where the mind is without fear and the head is held high…

Walk away girl,don’t look back…coz a leopard never changes his spots and yes one slap is all it takes!

So what do u think…why do educated, self-sufficient women stay on in abusive relationships?

p.s. yes i know the whole Tagore poem and know only these 2 lines hold true.

p.s. edited to add as per the latest report…dimpy has gone back to the idiot at the insistence of her father…sigh

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Why we are friends…

Cheeni to Nut: Atishhuuuu (p.s. thats her name for me) – i fought with hubby A today
Nut (wonders – real tragedy or meena kumari types) – Why What happened
Cheeni: Coz he misbehaved in my dreams yesterday, he left me for his first gf…i woke up feeling so awful. But i have told him to be nice in future dreams
Nut: Arrey…Same thing happened to me last year -i dreamt Tall One left me for brown girl (In Cheeni and Nut world – brown girl refers to women who wear boring clothes and colours) – u know the type who makes garma garm rotis and even put coriander leaves on the sabji. I toh didn’t talk to him that day…
Cheeni – Haw…these men na
Nut: Never mind baby – u know what the best part is – u can use at as a weapon when u fight
Cheeni (the student awaits the guru’s wise words) – Haink?
Nut puts on her wisest face and says:</strong Arrey we never do such things in their dreams na…!!!

Cheeni and Nut laugh away…while A and the Tall One wonder whether to call the psychiatrist, divorce lawyer or God (for divine help and all).

i suggest they just not cheat! What say

The one where u get to know a bit too much about me

So Nu tagged me and the whole world on this one and before i become delinquent on this like i have in the past (Chinkurli – u didn’t read this ok!)

As of now i have decided to be verbose about the tag and not answer in 1 word but seeing how long it…it might be quite a battle between whether my work bores me more or the tag irritates me more.

Ten how’s:

How did you get one of your scars? From an accident! A real one! As a kid i thought i should fight a mini van and proove my mettle – Not a good idea u see because scar became..and wonders the mini van escaped without a scratch! Thats when i learnt that size does matter!

How did you celebrate your last birthday? In Goa yipppeeee. I had a brilliant day just lying on the beach…the only flip side was the Tall one thought i meant it when i said – “my only gift is u get leave to goa”…the man didn’t even give me a chocolate….hmmmph…i can assure u he wont make the mistake again

How are you feeling at this moment? i am feeling like i am pulling my teeth – trying to find something witty to say for everything is not easy

How did your night go last night? Ahem i am very embarrased to say i spent the night watching “red swastik” on cable until 2! Ahem u can see old age is deteriorating my intellectual levels…i chose this over pretty james bond – pls dont stop reading my blog

How did you do in high school? well …i know u will all agree i was the model angelic child…and if u dont agree u r just jealous

How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? There is this concept called a shop, and there is this concept called selling clothes and then there is this concept called trying out…u get the drift

How often do you see your best friend(s)? As of now my bff cheeni is in mumbai …we meet often enough……and tomorrow we go on a girls night out in khandala…yay…hopefully she will give me fodder for another cheeni post

How much money did you spend last month? ummm…i can’t count more than 10 and i did spend more than 10

How old do you want to be when you get married? what i get to do it again…dances around in glee..

How old will you be at your next birthday? Not applicable i will still be young!

Nine what’s:

1. Your mothers name? haink??? really?? her name is mama –

2. What did you do last weekend? so much fun – i watched inception, went to the comedy store in mumbai (which is fantastic btw) and i found a waterfall 10 mins away from my house – in the middle of mumbai

3. What is the most important part of your life? wont tell – u will copy

4. What would you rather be doing? i would rather be a person whose job is to be on permanent holiday

5. What did you last cry over? ummm..when i said bye to the grannies while leaving b’lore
6. What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? a hug or food whichever comes first and please no lectures on emotional eating…
7. What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? to be a little silly in the head and believe i am the best thing that happened to him – sorry Tall one your secret is out
8. What are you worried about? if u regularly read my blog u would know – my superb boss going on sabatical and leaving me with the evil boss
9. What did you have for breakfast? this tag is making me loose my memory..

Eight you’s:

1. Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend? COME ON – are v in pre-kg

2. Have you ever had your heartbroken? Sigh
3. Have you ever been out of the country? What is ur problem dude???
4. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? short and sweet – this tag
5. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend? of couse…but i use medicream while cleared away the stab marks
6. Have you ever had sex on the beach? this is india – we DO NOT publically discuss sex
7. Have you ever dated someone younger than you? Yes!!! yess!!! good fun – try it out
8. Have you ever read an entire book in one day? of course

Seven who’s:

1. Who was the last person you saw? the tall one
2. Who was the last person you texted? the mother
3. Who was the last person you hung out with? the Tall one, cheeni and her husband
4. Who was the last person to call you? my mom

as u can see i am bored…now it’s onto one word answers
5. Who did you last hug? my tallu baba
6. Who is the last person who texted you? Friend…awesome joke that was Nu – same as u…what jobless friends we have
7. Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? in the words of revs- shy is coming

Six where’s:

1. Where does your best friend(s) live? 15 kilos away
2. Where did you last go? Chennai – beautiful weather there btw
3. Where did you last hang out? “Cafe goa” – fantastic place in Bandra – Mumbai seafood lovers are u listening
4. Where do you go to school? Like a million places and i am 2 bored to list them,…p.s. get a life
5. Where is your favorite place to be? my imagination
6. Where did you sleep last night? Apparently i slept on a bed but the tall one took up so much place it felt like i was hanging in the air!

Five do’s:

1. Do you think anyone likes you? come on…
2. Do you ever wish you were someone else? can i be a thin fit me…is that someone else
3. Do you know the muffin man? there is a muffin man…where where
4. Does the future scare you? The person who made this tag has lost it…p.s. if u made it and are reading…i didn’t mean just acting cool n all
5. Do your parents know about your blog? nope

Four why’s:

1. Why are you best friends with your best friend? because of this and this
2. Why did you get into Blogging? to help me understand me…now i know it’s a lot more
3. Why did your parents give you the name you have? coz they didn’t give me the name u have
4. Why are you doing this survey? i am asking myself the same question

Three if’s:

1. If you could have one super power what would it be? extremely high rate of metabolism
2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? of course
3. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring 1 thing, what would you bring? Tall One…he will bring everything else

Two would-you-ever’s:

1. Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you? Ummm..there is a reason they are ex…
2. Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? Of course – without a thought

One last question:

1. Are you happy with your life right now? well it’s friday hunny…i am thrilled one more working life week is over

And while Nu tagged 95% of my friends – i will do so too…so take it up comfy, di, swaram, piyu, celestial rays, revs, Smartie bride, Z, ajay, t, SnS, chinkurli, meira, maverick, Whiney mom/blue mist (where r u btw), Nehuuuuuuuu (dont throw ur laptop at me), my new friends varsha and Telegu mom, pins and ummm if anyone else does come here and wants to do an extremely long tag…be my guest

Wordfull Wednesday renamed to “What if” – thank u comfy!

(p.s.Let the corny title not make u wonder why the hell u have me on your reader, surfer or whatever hep mechanism u choose to land on my blog)

OK with so many of u belting out short stories – i have been influenced. This is my first attempting at writing fiction – apart from “a heavily influenced by secret seven” mystery story i had written at seven. So go easy on me plizz

He was 15, she 13…He had asked her out and she said yes. She was shy and he understood. He found her unlike the other girls, found her an enigma – knew she was perfect for him. Even at 13 – she knew he was the “one”- the one she would eventually marry – somehow.

He had asked her for a kiss and she blushed and looked away. He understood.
What he didn’t understand was that she wanted to kiss him – a little peck on his cheek, on numerous occasions. His birthday, the day he looked forlorn about a basketball game he had lost, on the day he felt jealous of her talking to a classmate…but never more than that day on the ship – sailing on a class trip…the stars were beautiful, the sky lit by a beautiful moon, the cool breeze. Their friends had slept, he was awake and so was she – She remembered wanting to walk up to him and kiss him…but instead she lay on the ship and watched the sky. She could feel his eyes on her..so she closed her eyes – knowing that there would be a tomorrow which would be theirs.

She lay in bed and looked at the sky and often remembered that night. She would never know what it felt like to kiss him.

She turned around and hugged her husband – She was happy and loved the life she had made with him.But she wondered if he ever thought about her – at least once in a while.

i became a mommy!

i have been meaning to do this post for a while…While i was in b’lore i discovered i became a mommy….to a orange star pillow.

The 6 yr old cousin who took a fascination* to me was also fascinated with this orange star pillow which he proclaimed was his baby…and that Chechi aka the me was the mommy!

Before u get down to the congratulations and the happy hugs u should know my baby is now on his way back to the US of A with his father and i have signed off my maternal rights to a 6 yr old caroline!

*Fascination equals clinging to my leg while i walked, sleeping on top of me while i watched TV, sitting on my lap while i bent down to pack my suitcase and refusing to let me hug anyone other than him…

Baby R – this is a story u will live to regret!

And yes the title was to call back my dear departed readers and comment leaving ppl…

Constant Need for Constant

When things are comfortable, the line “Change is the only constant” sucks! Sucks like big time – it’s the weariness of working upon certain things which may help build character, it’s the sense of the possibility of your “best laid plans” changing – it’s the fear of the unknown.

So u all known about my evil super boss right? But the person i directly report to – is this really cool lady, she understands issues and is heavily into the work life balance thingy and guess what….she is taking a sabbatical for six months leaving me with the evil super boss.

I am not worried about the evil super boss, coz i will be directly reporting into “Mr Unknown”…What i fear is who is “Mr Unknown” ?

who in their right mind would agree to work with the evil super boss?

There are certain aspects of my work where i can be better – my current boss was probably not aiding this…Will Mr unknown make me work on this??? Sigh…work

Will Mr Unknown value me as much as my boss…Will i have to turn into a diplomatic angel to deal with him? Will he and mr evil boss not like me??

Would that mean i would need to find another role in the bank? Then how long do u wait before you buzz off on maternity leave?

I am so overthinking this one!!! i dont even know who “Mister Unknown” is but boy is he interrupting my life.

but in the words of Joey from friends in the episode where everyone is turning older – i have to ask the Good Lord – WHY GOD WHY?

In other updates – i had a fantastic time in Bangalore with my family – i actually blocked out work, facebook,blog, movies, friends and everything which didnt;t have a direct association with home & family…in short i ate like a pig, slept like sleeping beauty and played with a little 2 inch who someone people claim is my cousin…really a cousin who is 6 when i am 28??? Come on S mama…u are kidding right??

And the weather in bangalore was the icing on the cake

Man…i feel like a woman

So piyu and pinooo have tagged me on this one…and before i am the last one in the blog world to do it, i shall take it up. This one is for the man in me…that which makes me the woman i am!

I think i started off life as a girly girl…i loved frilly pink frocks, apparently i sat like a lady and no i didn’t roll in the mud or play with “those boys”. i didn;t like boys, they scared me – i played girly games, i read Nancy Drew’s and never the Hardy Boys…

But as luck would have it the coy, delicate, soft spoken, mummyji’s dream bahu potential girl into …ummm ME!

So me Y chromosomes make me do/feel the below:

1. I don’t think i got a “New life” when i got married. I love being married and love having the Tall One around – but no i didn’t change my entire set of clothes post marriage, the Tall One is sent many a time to work without breakfast, i dont sacrifice television, i dont manage his clothes or cupboard nor do i act like a wingless angel in my sasural…in fact my ma in law gives me morning coffee at my sasural and made my first sweet for me…i just came and shook the spoon around for 20 secs…

2. I dont like shopping …there i said it, u can shoot me…dont find it theraupatic…i love shoes and bags..and have my bouts of splurging but shopping doesn’t thrill my existence at all

3. i dont follow the CTM routine every night…What u dont know the cleansing toning and moisturizing ur face…i wash my face and sleep…i forget to wear sun screen on most days and have lipstick/gloss on for precisely 5 mins in the dya…my eyeliner is usually smudged …i have century old lipstick and dont know the difference between foundation and rouge and …u get the drift!

4. I CAN PIG OUT At buffet…i can beat most men hands down by the amount i can put away and i am not Shy about enjoying my food

5. I have arts&crafts deficiency – i cant sing, draw, paint, stitch, knit or doing anything remotely creative with my hands…Hell i can’t even remove a stain from a white shirt or clean a spilt glass of milk without creating more of a mess (Thankfully the Tall One is fultu equipped in the cleaning department !)

6. Ummmm another shoot me…babies…i like them and can play with them for sometime -meaning 15 mins on an average …depending on mine and the baby’s mood…but no i can’t carry a baby around on my hip (All u mother’s out there…kudos coz babies are heavy!!!).

7. I am strong…i was the only girl in my school who could hit the volley ball over the net in a serve..i can beat up rowdy men and have fairly competitive kushti bouts with the Tall One (he is a big made 6″2 giant – mind u)

8. i spill/drop while eating 😦 and its the bane of my existence…high dependency on the spouse to aid in the cleaning process

9. i know loads of cricketing statistics – highest score, that match in 1997,average wickets taken …i am quite a pro…and now i have hopped onto the football bandwagon…4 years from now by the next world cup…i know i will be just as adept!

10. Now apparently this qualifies too…i have a messy cupboard…

And yeah …Man, i feel like a woman! Shania Twain Zindabad

And Oh before u people think i have enrolled for the witness protection plan again let me tell u that i am off on chutti to Bengaluru to spend time with my family. Am unlikely to have too much access to the net but will be back with more to write about (hopefully)

Oh and i tag ….ummm…well the whole world and their blogging sister has been tagged…so to u who read this and feel like taking it up.