PR is dating this mallu Nair boy – a nice boy am sure -nothing great in the looks department,educated less than her, happens to work abroad. His dad used to work in the gulf and came back to settle in Kerala.

His parents are dead against their marriage – their first reason being that she was an SC!!!
They then think that her dad should give them dowry – coz their son isn’t easily available on “sale” or something to that effect.

When she told me about the dowry bit, i was disgusted and asked her if this guy was worth it. I mean even if your parents are demanding dowry – dont u as a man in love with this girl have the guts to tell them this is wrong! Why are you communicating it to her? Because apparently the boy thinks it’s ok!

What shocked me even more – while PR wasn’t thrilled, she was ok with a certain amount of dowry being given. because in her side, if she had an arranged marriage, dowry is a pre-requisite.

Is it me? Am i too naive or idealistic? Do i live in a palace of illusions?

-> I would have thought her dad would say – I will never give dowry for my daughters! They are educated and capable of earning for themselves and hopefully will do so in tandem with their partners. let the couple make a life for themselves.
-> I would have thought she would have told the guy and his family to buzz off
-> I would have at least expected a lot more outrage from PR – am i good enough for you only with a couple of lakhs accompanying me?
-> I would have thought that in this day and age – caste would not matter especially when the girl is educated and of a similar if not better background than yours

Is modern-day India just a facade?

Is our old thought process just buried below this farce of moderness we claim to have?

What does it feel to grow up knowing that you will be acceptable to a man/his family if u come accompanied with the acceptable amount of money ?

And caste – how can it still matter?

Are we just a handful of us – whose parents would never ever even think of paying dowry for us. My mom as a kid used to always joke that she would ask for dowry from anyone who wanted to marry me!

This saddens me – this India which breaks my notion of dowry, caste etc not being an urbane educated class issue.

A very happy 3 days – a perfect end to the year and a perfect start to it too.

Friendly Friday – 30th Dec

We informed the evil boss that we were off from work at 2:30 and he just had to deal with it.

My BFF from my graduation P was in town – down from London. I don’t remember when i last met her – 2 years ago maybe. Both of us are “pathetic phone keeping in touchers” so we barely talk. But somehow when we meet, it’s like we are the same nut/p combination from college, no awkward silences, no u don’t call me, no why didn’t u meet me last time. I think this is just a lovely free free friendship we have!

Later that evening,we were to have a reunion of our MBA friends – i have to admit, i was not too keen calling them boring and all and i was mentioning that to a friend of mine who is also an MBA types and she mentioned how her batchmates were always trying to outdo one another with their job titles, square foot of flats etc.

And i realized nope these guys were not that like that.

i was just being stupid. Somewhere i have a lot of affection for most of my batchmates – i may not want to meet them on a daily basis but they were such an important part of my life for 2 years and will always have a piece of my heart

And boy am i glad i went – we had a blast. The guys got so “nicely high” (me i was the designate driver) -we talked of college crushes, pulled each others legs and it felt so good! I was made to tell the tale of a very non-existent “romantic” story of the Tall one and me!!

We meet again as a larger crowd sometime this month and i will look forward to it

And that was my Friday

SAturday – 31st Dec – While the world planned its party ways and clothes – we went to Khandala in our new car (oops did i just let that slip in) for lunch! Lunch done – we drove right back. Did i say “we”. Sorry the tall one drove back while i slept like there was no tomorrow.

We welcomed New years as grown ups do – ummm ok loosers do – watching Big Boss! A quick hug at 12 and our eyes were back on the TV.

But there was something nice to this – no drunkenness, no struggling for space, no searching for one another in a crowd. here we were just the 2 of us – pizza, garlic bread, and beer to add to the party!

Sunday – 1st Jan – Spoke to all and sundry in the family and then headed for some fantastic seafood! oooh, ooh and the highlight of my life i found a fish shop that delivers fresh fish home. Soo exciting!!! Sherlock Holmes and a hot coffee made my evening!

I can’t really remember what i did on Sunday evening but i am guessing the amnesia is because it must have been fairly dull!

When i read this post, i wonder what made this weekend feel so good – it was like most other weekends, yet it was not. 2012 you look promising don’t ya!

2011 has been uneventful, boring even – but I am grateful to how kind it has been to me. I look around and know I am blessed. Blessed that the year was what it was.

2012 promises to be exciting, it promises to test us more than we have ever been tested! This is one year I am making no resolutions, I am going to let life lead me where it wants. I enter the year with no preconceived notions, just a promise to try to do my best!

And I hope that the Good Man above continues to keep an eye on us!

So here’s wishing all of you a fantastic year ahead!!!

If you have made resolutions may you find the commitment to keep the ones that matter
If you have decisions to make, may you find the strength to deal with the consequences if any.
May you really “live” life to the fullest
We just need to keep the faith and remember that we will always find it within us to deal with everything …if we allow ourselves too.

See you in 2012!

I have learnt that

1. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. Hate is just another form of love. Indifference helps you let go of pain and hurtful memories a lot faster

2. It’s ok to make mistakes at work. As a former boss once told me, making mistakes shows that you are actually attempting to work!!! yes he used the words attempting

3. However in the rest of your life’s decisions, there are no mistakes – there are no rights/wrongs. Every step you have taken is just a step into creating the person that you are today.

4. Ambitions change – As you grow up you realize you may never be the hot shoot career professional that you aspired to be – but it won’t matter.

5. It is possible to love without having any walls or inhibitions

6. You need girl friends – enough said!

7. You will make a lot of friends – the important ones will remain

8. Your body is growing old – take care of it

9. Spend time with your loved ones so that you have no regrets

10. A lot of your problems and issues are self created – don’t complicate other’s life and your own with your insecurities. i said a lot of your problems – not all

11. I used to think that to find bliss you needed some form of external stimuli – i have learnt that you can find bliss in solitude

12. Happiness or Sadness is what you choose to be!

20′s – i wonder if you still have some lessons for me before i sign off and join the very adult world of the “30′s”?

They say that parenting is all about tough decisions!

Should i be a strict or a lenient parent? Leave the kid free to be free as a bird or groom them into becoming the next Andre Agassi. Overly protect them from the world or let them face the big bad world? Most of the time it’s about walking a fine line between the various options that are thrown at you

When i look back, i wonder what your Ammamma-to-be’s style of parenting was. One of her closest friends thinks she was too strict when i was a child. As i grew up, while some parents would not let kids go off for out-of-town college festivals, she let me go. Strangely i never slotted her – i never thought of her as too strict or too much of a nag or too interfering or too lenient.

For me my mother meant means security.

Your ammamma-to-be always told me that “remember no matter what you do, i will be there.I may not approve but whenever you fall, i will be there to pull you out of the ditch”. And that for me is what my mother stands for – reassurance and my strength.

I have carried those words with me always. I may not share everything with her – but i know that when push comes to shove ‘mommy will make it ok’. I am approaching 30 and your ammamma-to-be was here for a couple of weeks, i felt like i had a wonderful warm cozy blanket thrown over my life!

And that is what i want to pass onto you – Remember that no matter what your Dad and i will be there. Whenever you need us!

So baby-to-be, My only hope is that we can one day make you feel as secure about yourself, your decisions and your life as my mother made me feel!

Lots of love
The nut!

Disclaimer – I don’t guarantee we will make all the right decisions – but maybe by the time you come around, they will introduce a responsibility giving, parenting skill giving, wise making pill which we can pop

On an aside note
When i hear about kids committing suicide, i wonder if they didn’t know that their parents were the people who they could fall back on.