I was scared…very scared…it’s that time of the year when u go to visit the in-laws…the in-laws to be precise refer to my MIL and my grand mother in law.
They have been torturing me demanding this since 4 months of marriage (I AM NOT EXAGGERATING) – yes however dramatic i make it sound…u all know I am talking about a baby!
Initially i did try to give the gyaan on career and being ready and all that, but those pretty much went this way
The dutiful bahu aka me: Want to do blah blah in career and blah blah
The baby wanters: Woh sab toh theek hai but bachche sabse zaroori hai (That;s all cool but kids are most important)
The dutiful bahu: You need to mentally ready, financially blah blah
The baby wanters: Hamare jaane ke pehle Tall one ke bache ke saath khelna hai (Before we go to say hello to the good lord, we want to play with the Tall one’s kids)
So ultimately i decide to do what i do best: SMILE and act deaf dumb and blind!
Usually the Tall one is spared this discussion or disappears from it. Apparently Tall one ko toh bachche bahut pasand hai (Tall one really likes kids)…so it must be all my fault…coz i think that they think in my free time i go around spanking kids!!! Hmmmph
So anyway to get back to the main story…i was really worked up before going to Delhi…coz nowadays the pressure is immense…worrying almost…so i went to get advice to shake the baby wanters off
So i consult my very intelligent friend A who tells me of her even more intelligent friend hence forth referred to as EMI. even more intelligent
Now EMI’s MIL asked her about kids…pat comes her reply “Try toh kar rahe hai but G (EMI’s Husband) ko tests ki zaroorat hai…(we are trying but G needs some tests).
apparently EMI’s MIL has been silenced since.
Armed with this knowledge i went to Tall One and said that this time if he escapes when the topic starts this would be my answer…he of course didn’t cooperate with my idea..and being the eternal optimist he said he would handle it with some elaborate discourse on the future of his career.
So anyway armed with our superior weapons – The first being a consultant’s 4 year horizon plan on our future and the second an atom bomb to my husband’s ego, we bravely left for Delhi.
Ummm…well it was an anti climax…we hardly got any baby questions other than the fact that when Tall one was being congratulated for his promotion…i was told that my next promotion was to be of a “different” kind.
to tell u the truth i was getting freaked out that noone was asking…maybe they had some grander scheme in mind like voodoo or something to ensure the baby reaches my tummy when i eat an apple or something
Anyway…Singing La La La…The tall one and the nut are leaving for Mumbai when…
MIL : Next time this year i want an addition to the family
TALL ONE AND THE NUT : DEAF DUMB BLIND
MIL : Yes Yes next year THIS time
TALL ONE AND THE NUT : DEAF DUMB BLIND
GMIL: Mera Jaane ke pehle (BEfore i go)
Tall One: Kahan Jane ke pehle? Bangalore? (Before u go where? Bangalore)
MIL : NO NEXT YEAR THIS TIME! AN Addition
MIL : NUT, are u listening
Nut: No Mummy
MIL: Tall One,Are u listening
Tall One: NO
Ha! We are a team after all!!! Hi-Fi!
p.s. do u think a puppy qualifies as an addition? Do u think my MIL would have found me cute if i mentioned a puppy!!!
The demands began 4 months after marriage?? Too much I say!
i swear in July…we got married in Feb!!!
Haha.. this is too much
. My parents/in-laws are way more subtle.. and even while being subtle they are actually kind of afraid to bring up the topic.. muahahhahahaha
Thank god this happens only on annual visits.. if you lived with them, ab tak cricket team bana li hoti
Either cricket team ban jata or i would have stubbornly refused to have ANY ANY kids!
Mein bhi toh stubborn hu…especially when it is without a cause
Chill girl
ab next year tak no tension 
ummm Piyu…heard of Mr Bell invention – “the telephone”
Rofl rofl rofl! I laughed my a$$ over how you have written it
*to tell u the truth i was getting freaked out that noone was asking…maybe they had some grander scheme in mind like voodoo or something to ensure the baby reaches my tummy when i eat an apple or something*
my tummy aches you funny girl
I thought I am still harassed about marriage, when my SIL-to-be declared that she will name my children in a rather authoritative tone and made me choke on air
You never know what can hit you from where
Seniors like you making notes for us like this is much appreciated Nut
Arrey u Tam Brah’s pray to soo many gods – was really scared some mantra or something is worked out in tandem with the good
Lol..take notes, make ur excuses ready…u are in for a journey of a lifetime…Lol…i hope ur SIL has named “Both” ur to be kids
Clueless..that’ll be me.. No one ever asked me anything ever.. Can I say..I love D’s family..
I have heard enough horror stories and worse..this is nothing..
Good work you two..great team you make
We are so thrilled with ourselves…we insist on relating this incident at all forums.
You are lucky!!! so lucky…i feel like not having a kid just to irritate them
ROFL. I am running out of excuses as well. but we are team so far so good. and when I refused to answer now people are trying to reach out H.
Try EMI’s answer….i hear its very effective
Hahahahha! I LOVE EMI’s retort! ROFL!
As in, everyone in our family thinks I am all for kids (which I am, not already, that’s all!) and he is the one who wants to have fun! It is not even career. My MIL keeps telling people, that her son ‘ doesn’t get enough of travelling around and taking vacations with his wife and she is worried whether he’ll ever give her a kid!’ 
)
But my MIL lives with us!
Only, The Dude is pretty cool taking the blame
I like deaf dumb blind too
I think EMI is very cool…
and u are so lucky that the other one is blamed…the Tall one is superb with kids and hence every1 assumes that i am the “witch” who is refusing to give them offspring.
Deaf Dumb Blind is so much easier than confrontation or explanation…:D
lol!
even my standard reply is “the DH has some issues, tat we don want to discuss with others”
Pretty much shuts everyone up…including my parents
WOW DH is sooo coooll to allow u to use that one…The Tall One was very *Ahem* uncooperative on using this excuse!
Well, the DH doesn’t want babies, so he has to be the one to be blamed na?
And the blame goes to – DH!
I’m being subjected to such questions, instructions and orders too. Wahh! The only thing that sometimes makes me wish I wasn’t married yet
and just imagine once we have kids…how the instructions, questions and orders will grow…Shudder shudder…i might elope to Alaska or soemthing
Ha ha ha! So, when when when Nuttie
Sigh! Ppl r tired of asking us the same qs for 4 yrs and they hv stopped nw
We have been married almost 4 and ummmm no one is fed up…
Phew swaram et tu??
Lol until now marriage was scaringg me…now the after effetcs of marriage is :O …
I’m coming ot u all for all the tipsss and suggestions in future…!!
But i loveee Deaf dumb …and i super likedd EMI’s ans
Yes gyaani mata will help with all tips and suggestions!
Ohhh trust me dude marriage is easy…it’s the rest which is pffftttt!
my MIL has started asking The Question
the conversation started with “do you remember that couple who got married a few days after you did?”
“no aunty”
“hmm, she gave birth to a baby boy today”
i oohed and aahed and expressed totally fake surprise and also frustrated her(as if i didnt understand the subtitles!)
and then i told her mildly,” its not me aunty..its your son who doesnt want a baby right now..”
Aftermath : the husband received a lot of hints and “please come with a grand kid, atleast steal one from the nearest hospital” kinda pleading. I spent my time looking at my frowning husband and eating snacks and sweets.
SEE? It works brilliantly! If my parents were to ask The Question, all he has to tell mine is that “its not me athai..its your daughter..”
But I do love the EMI’s reply.
Yayyyyyy u are back!!! and that’s all that matterssss!!!! yAY YAY YAY YAY…now start posting…can’t wait!
nuttie, im seriously touched
been stalking(thats what reading without commenting should be called) and this was such a lOL post that i couldnt resist commenting. i laughed myself silly at the image of you spanking kids in your free time
Oh yeah…it’s a good i saw ur comment – was just off to get my hairbrush to whack the next door neighbour’s kids
Lol…now if u dont post fast…u will be solely responsible for my lack of entertainment and hence the kids in the vicinity red butt’s
Lolz…. What a refreshing post … waise I ear marked my archives to come back next year this time for an update ok?
… PUT THT HAIRBRSUH DOWN!
I remember sis also having to go thru this for last 5 yrs … and once when her MIL was bantering … BIL the sweetheart that he is told her on the face … go tell your friends that your son has problems .. since then it’s all beenm about how the son is working hard n has no time
..
But seriosuly Nutty…. its time for more nuts
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr…sags already an MIL!!!! No nuts for all of you for bad behaviour…btw i did read thru almost your whole archives on sunday…..i didn’t comment though…breaks the flow
now who should go grrrr and snatch the bowl of nuts from u ??? .. Kattti Katti katti!
Well…did i ask u to write so well..plus if i comment …it takes me ages to get back to the post
Btw just for the record katti back to u MIL types
The only way to beat the DD is to stand united, whether deaf, dumb or blind or otherwise. All the best for next year. do what you must and need to. A big hug frpm me.
DD??? Thank u for the hugs!!
ahmmm ahmmm now then , this is relly interesting .. at least i get to see the other side of the scenario, I meant from the Ladies point of view..
so looking forward to the next year now he he he he
and yeah united we stand strong that for sure
and NOOOOOOOOO a puppy doesnot count for a addition ..
I would not say anything other then ALL THE BEST … and keep us posted he he he he he he he
Bikram’s
what do u know…u r a boy u will escape all the “have baby” business
And yes a puppy does count…at least a puppy wont keep u up at night!
oh beleive me .. it does I had Two so I know
Bikram’s
My MIL didn’t believe in being subtle.
She would just touch my tummy and say Baccha
Loved the idea of a puppy addition to the family:)
Wow…that’s embarrasing!!! Phew….
Try it and tell me if it works
I have been there. But, it was my mom who started talking about babies 4 months into our marriage. MIL started right after our 1st anniversary. It was hard. But, we just did not care. Living miles apart was helpful in a way because we can only talk a few things on the phone and whenever the situation started getting uncomfortable, we would give some excuse to end the call. So, that helped
After we had a son, they did not say anything for an year and then started talking about the second one.
Try the puppy thing and let us know what the reaction was……
All I can say is Good Luck
ROTFL!!!
Hugs!! Why is this so imp?!Sigh… I’m asked all the time and my answer usually varies from – smile, pretend you don’t know how babies are made
, ask why they wanna know or if its someone closer to my age group – ask if they are pregnant!! 
usually works like a charm!
Lol…i do the “How are babies are made too” and i also do the “Cheee…i am too small to do all these baby making things” and all.
My Mum asks me why I blog, and I very profoundly reply, “I learn life’s lessons here!” She changes the topic thinking I am kidding. Little does she know how serious I am!
Thank you for this gyan bhara post. Like Divz said, thank you seniors for the notes! If and when I reach this bridge, I will check out this post again, laugh again, and then go do the EXACT same thing!
Seriously, what an ROFL moment that was!
and your comment made me laugh…u do know “they” call me gyaani baba
Laughing out <realllly loud !!
Somehow the verbatim conversation sounded like an episode by Russell Peters.. heehee.. and I could imagine all the intonations in ur MIL and GMIL’s dialogues!!
Hahahaha…typical “intonations” from indian parents aint it?
ROFL!!!
Loved ur post!
I guess I better prepare myself… I’m gonna be there soon! Getting married this month…sigh
OOOh congratulations Ashwathy!!! and yes please get ready…!! the questions WILL arive faster then expected!
They have already begun
The comments:
Ohh next time we see (maybe 2 years from now) there will be little a Ashwathy or (fiance’s name) trotting around…
Makes me want to run for my life!!!
Thanks a ton for sharing this awesomely narrated post….Nothing can match that deaf dumb blind approach but EMI’s idea was an atom bomb indeed
It’s rightly said, we can find anything and everything if we look for it…and you proved it right with this awesome idea to fight back the baby demanding souls.