Monthly Archives: April 2010

Treasure chest of memories

When i started writing this post – it was not supposed to be a funny one…it was supposed to be about feelings, nostalgia and warm mushy thoughts…But the events that have transpired in the last 5 hours have deemed otherwise.

Mr Insomnia has taken up residence in the Nut and last night i couldn’t sleep until 5 in the morning! So i did the usual – played crappy Facebook games, snooped on random people’s Facebook accounts, watched TV, read the newspapers…and checked my mail. Useless worthless recent mails checked and i decided to read my old mails.

The earliest mail dated back to 2002 – and were a mixed lot..

Flirtatious mails exchanged with some guy i would have liked to go out with – Looking at the date i am quite sure i was dating someone at the same time :D…Sighh wild youth!

Admission letter email from my B-school – i still remember the excitement and the pride of the moment! I remember my excited mom jumping around the room!

Random mails exchanged with batch-maters during our internship (summers in B-school parlance) – funny mails exchanged with the Tall One who was just another batchmate at that time…I have always wondered why that first mail was exchanged – we weren’t friends and we had no reason to keep in touch (Mr Destiny…do u know?)

Mails exchanged with my school friends in Port Blair during the 2004 Tsunami – reconnecting with them and sharing memories of the wonderful place that is Andamans.!

A million funny mails exchanged with a dear friend who i will always look upto as a mentor…who helped me immensely in surviving B-school, who believed in me helluvalot, his mail telling me how i was going to rock my first job – the friend who i have lost touch with :(

Mail from my first organization with induction details, my indicative payslip and my first role details..the faint glint of tears in my mom’s eyes when i showed it to her!

Excited mails from various batchmates when they started on their new jobs – in my mind’s eye i could visualize them with determined “i am going to climb this corp ladder thingy” looks in their eyes.

Mail from one of my friends about how i had helped his relationship (Note to self: Forward to friend…the grateful attitude has reduced!)

A mail from Cheeni (Between our first year and second year) telling me that A had finally fallen for her cheeni charms… Background: Cheeni has had a crush on A since 2000 BC. 1998…

The mail went such…Mind u the Subject matter of the mail was ” MY DREAM”

and i quote verbatim –

hi jaan…
where u… have been msgg u but no reply… ok.. me as usual went on a foot in mouth trip with A.. turned out kwite ok…v.v.v.funny incident.. but he finally told me that he is crazy about me… n that he loves me completely… of course the bit of uncerainity with his future n whether i’ll be able to deal with a mad person like him ..clouds his mind..saz this is a bad
time to take any decision.. will speak with me after i come back from _____… :) lets see.. but atleastnow i know that i wasnt a fool… wasnt waiting for nothing.. patience paid! he is worht it yaar…anyway.. me happy duck! love u loads..n pleez reply on my cell…nothing to my dad;s cell…
chalo babe…
cya
miss uuuuu
muahhhh
huggs

U can feel the happiness in Cheeni’s words..cant u and then i read the words “HAPPY DUCK”…Happy Duck?????? Oh boy i couldn’t stop laughing and the minute i reached office i forwarded this mail to A and Cheeni

Nut: This 7 year old find might interest u…p.s. A – this is my birthday gift to u :D -

A: Are you serious Cheeni ..????? who writes like that ..????? – and I did not say ‘I am crazy about you’ – I said I can kinda tolerate you now, but also told you to please stop bothering me- . gawddddd?> Nut: Thanks, this is a pretty cool birthday present – know any good divorce lawyers in Mumbai? – and please forward any other gems you might have hidden in your treasure chest.

Also Nut and Cheeni – u guys should marry each other !!! (All the hugs and kisses)
A is very jealous about Nut and Cheeni…we were ahem tails of each other for the 2 yrs in B-school )

At this point of time..both A and the Nut sending messages to clueless Cheeni who is in a meeting telling her about her impeding divorce.

Nut: Yes I also thought we would marry until 9th march 2003 when u made Cheeni a happie duck by telling her that u are completely crazy about her and can’t live without her and she is your oxygen!. She then dumped me like a hot potato coz I didn’t know romantic dialogues (read soapy!, filmy) like u…So then I had to go, brush up my filmi dialogue language and catch the Tall One. u and ur filmy tu meri jaan hai dialogues killed the romance of the century. Hmmmmph!

A: I can safely say that I have changed in the last 7 years, and I can no longer deliver romantic (read filmy, soapy!) dialogues…. happie duck … really, who knew people could write like that. You can have her now- I shall gratefully make way for you two to resume your romance.

Nut: But I don’t want used goods now…jiske saath mera romance tha who ganga jaise pure thi, who duckie nahi thi…yeh koi paraya hai …yeh meri Cheeni nahi ho sakti…u can keep ur happie oxygen giving duck! (i can;t translate this even if i wont too :D)

A: What if I don’t want to…??????

Cheeni: you both r mean…make fun of little duck’s emotions…go…not talking

Nut & A: High Fi’s A – mission accomplished

So ladies and gentlemen – due to disownment(?!!!) by key stakeholders , the happy duck is now up for adoption…Free free!!! ( in fact if u insist we’ll pay u)

So the next time u can’t sleep – dig into your mails…a treasure chest of memories is there – waiting to be opened!

P.S. Do u think Cheeni can sue me for plagiarism for her mail..or for using her signature mark – “HAPPY DUCK”

Of Checklists…

Now i am all about the education. Given below is a checklist of all actionables in the situation given below

Situation: Tickets to the Delhi-Mumbai IPL match being given to an elite few in office

Start praying that “office-ji” thinks i am worthy of the same: Check
Refresh mail every 3 mins to see if i have chosen few: Check
Get jealous each time u hear people mention they have been given tickets: Check
Think in mind “time to quit” (Hello! i celebrate my fourth year of being in this org in April and no ticket for me???): Check
Do a jig when boss informs you that u are among the chosen few:Check
Delete resignation letter which has been written in head:Check
Taunt the Tall One and all friends interested in IPL about match: Check

on a side note to be effective- taunt every 5 mins or whenever bored whichever is faster

Update Facebook status on mobile with Tra-la-la-la to ignite curiosity: Check
Follow office ticket distribution lady until she gives u ticket: Check

To ensure you are always remembered for future tickets – give a speech on how excited u are, how much this means to u and how you watched another match…the lady might be looking bored but trust me thats just an act and of course she is going to remember u

On the day of the match
Spend a lot of time deciding what to wear – Well i might be spotted on TV by Vidhu Vinod Chopra who might cast me in his next movie: Check
Reach office and realize Flourescent green T-shirts are being provided. Sigh, remove hep match clothes, try on multiple sizes until u find one where the T-shirt is not too short, too long, too tight or too loose: Check
Don’t eat lunch as you are too excited: Check
Regret decision as it takes you two hours to reach the venue (Just in time for a 4:30 match): Check

At the stadium
Wear T-shirts inside out as Mumbai Indians sponsors considered our flourescent T-shirts as “AMBUSH MARKETING”….Come on i didn’t even learn about this marketing at B-school ( Could i have slept thru the lecture?) : Check.
Get hold of a whistle and keep blowing it (the beginning of a match can be boring): Check
To make things really exciting have a whistle blowing session with colleagues. We are wearing our T-shirts inside afterall.
Dear Vidhu Vinod Chopra – the girl in flourescent green inside out T-shirt with red clips incessantly blowing her whistle debuted as cinderella’s step sister in the fourth standard….just saying

During the match
Recite Sachin Sachin, Scream, Dance, Laugh, Drink, pass envious glances to the cheerleaders legs, attempt a few mexican waves and of course TAUNT DELHI_ITES on their FLOP SHOW!
Ha! Ha! What a match DD supporters hide ur face!

After the match

Stop Blowing the whistle – Realize that the match is over and people on marine drive are planning to throw u into the sea if u don’t stop…

Dear Tall one- 3 hours of whistle blowing makes it a habit…can’t u understand that??? Let me blow my whistle at home Pleaseeee!

Cheeni & Meanie!

So i mentioned in my previous blog about how on the occasion of “All fools day” i was going to tell my “bff” that i was pregnant…Hmmm now that didn’t go exactly how i planned. so the conversation went like this

The evil plan is already cooked up in the Nut’s head. and the stars are all aligned as the Nut can see Cheeni is calling!

Cheeni – meanie u not meeting me coz of your aerobics (the devious cheeni is scheming if i dont let her go for aerobics i iwll be the hottie friend and she will be the fat friend)

Nut – No not going

Cheeni (Sounding suspicious) – Whhy???

Nut – I have been advised not to

Cheeni – Whhyyy, Tell babe

Nut – i think i am preggie – took a home test yesterday and is showing +ve will go to doc tomm and confirm..

Cheeni – did u do the home test properly – How many times did u try?

Nut fumbles thru this – not used the home test – has no clue how to use it and how it shows results – using knowledge from TV serial friends…and they say TV is not educational

Cheeni – (choking voice) – God babe! i am so happy for u – c i told u, you would be the first one – I am going to Divorce A (her husband who is kinda anti the baby making business) and i am not going to speak to u for ditching me! but i am happy for u. Ok i need to get back. Evil boss has meeting

On a sidenote – Cheeni feels she should have a baby because she wants six months off – away from her silly boss. A doesn’t think that is a valid reason …i wonder why??

Nut comes back to desk – feeling guilty for making Cheeni feel chokkie types, feeling guilty about A and Cheeni’s impending divorce decides to end hoax on sms (What call HER and have her YELL at me…no i am chicken)

Nut at 13:33: Babe check the date on the calendar once and Please REMEMBER HOW MUCH U LOVe ME and HOW SWEET I am

Cheeni at 13:33: B****

Nut at 13:40 – do u still love me?

Nut at 13:41 – Do u? Do u? my cheeni no?

Nut at 13:42: My lambu no? See i told u immediately instead of extending it. I not so bad no. Say something or i stalk u

(thinks in head – Attention seeking Cheeni must be loving the flurry of sms)

Nut at 13:44: If i meet u in the evening will u talk to me?

Nut at 13:45 – Come onnnn…u can’t resist me..my pretty toes, my pretty eyes, my pretty me

Nut at 13:48 – U can’t be so mean to me :-( see i can’t work also :( i feel guilty but i small baby na…promise promise i never do again

Nut at 13:49 – Lip out (Conjures cute image of herself and tries to transfer to cheeni thru telepathy)

Nut at 13:50 – phew i am tired now (kitna bhaav khati hai)

Nut at 13;55 – nine messages in nine mmins…cmon cheeni me feeling v bad…u thhink there is an award for fastest message typer

Mail sent to Cheeni – pretty pretty cheeni

Nut at 14:01 – Lip Paining, knee hurting, heart sadding, Help meee

Cheeni at 14:01- Say you are a mean girl. You play with people’s emotions

nut repeats faithfully

Cheeni at 14:02 – Say you are like vasu rajvansh (for the ignorant ppl – she is the vamp in the serial bidaai.. Cheeni and i are quite sad and a lot of all lives revolve around 2 soaps)

Nut: yes yes – like vr and evil sil put into one

Cheeni – say u will treat me like a princess now and get me gifts

Nut: NO princess only 1 gift

Cheeni: Ook big gift

Nut: Yes big gift – lill person to call u cheeni maasi

Cheeni – b****!

(cheee cheeni – what will ur mommy say??)

Panchgani, Parenting and Posing!

One of the things i love about Mumbai is the number of weekend getaways that are just a couple of hours away – while most of them don’t boast of too many things to do – it is always fun to get away from the mad mad city and chill out with good friends or maybe just your spouse.

So the last weekend – four of us couples decided to go to Panchgani. Our friends R & A are 5 months old parents with the most adorable baby – Baby R…and it was very interesting to watch them do this whole parenting thing. They are the first of our friends (who we generally hang out with) to do this baby business and it is funny to see the beer loving, fun-loving, and “us” kind of people do this whole responsibility thing. A who i knew as a lazy lump, who spoke eloquently and decisively on all financial matters coochie coo a little baby!!! R who was always ready to kick butt in Teen pati/Taboo – give up on a game to catch up on some much-needed sleep or be with baby R!!!!…umm funny

But i must say i am so proud of the way R is handling things. She has a maid who come along on the trip (another first for us!) and i am so proud of the fact that R is such a hands on mom. The maid is literally a carrier of baby bags, the person who holds the dhakkan of the bottle while the milk is prepared, the person who wants dal chawal while we eat strawberries and fantastic pizzas…and yes the person who was with the baby for the half hour R decided to play with us while the baby slept. I love the fact that she is not dependent on the maid and she is the baby’s mommy full-time. Of course things will change when she gets back to work but i am confident she will work it out.

However i see the stress in R – the generally calm R gets irritated fairly quickly and has been taking it out on A – A has received quite a few earfuls in public view (Shudder shudder wonder what happens behind closed doors?) and i am so proud of A for the fact that he never once reacted or said anything back. In fact he goes out of the way to be nice to R, help her, offer to buy her flowers to get back into good books. (p.s. big step for the kanjus boy). Love i tell u is not easy…

It is scary though coz i know i have the potential to react the way R does to situations (Maybe not in public view but react still). I dont want to be ‘tana maroing’ the Tall one and he being nice. I want us both to not feel the stress but enjoy the baby, enjoy parenthood…But then again i dont have one of those small things…so i guess idealism is easy!

Btw for the record i think R & A are doing a fab job and baby R is such a coochie moochie soochie coo that i might just eat him up before he gets more adorable. It is so touching the way a baby laughs when u just look at them or say anything from “coochie coo” to “Kya ho raha hai” to the baby – how can u ignore such a doll..we spent most of the trip talking nonsense to baby R just to see his toothless smile. And what a baby sirji! he cried for 5 mins in the 2 day trip, never does susu on u, happily comes to all (including me!!!), smells divine, and has toes that will comfortably fit into my mouth to be chewed off.

So other than judging parenting skills – we did the usual – boat ride at night, teen patti where yours truly well and truly lost, slept in, visited table top, saw the pandavas foot marks (For the record – they had really tiny feet), ate, drank, debated endless “plans for the day” which we never did anyway, went in search of the last strawberries of the season and took countless posing snaps! Oh yeah – we walked past Arbaaz Khan, some of us posed with Vinod Khanna and we made search parties who would spot Salman Khan. The tall one spotted his arm getting into the car and i saw his car drive off! Yes we shared our residence with the movie crew of Salman’s new movie with Shatrugan Sinha’s daughter. (p.s. no we aint rolling in money, salman had heard that i would be there and downgraded himself to stay near me)

All in all – a good relaxing fun trip!

btw a tip to all who visit Panchgani – Buy the strawberry jam from hotel ravine…it is divine with real strawberry pieces! and while u are at it get me one too. And do visit Panchgani soon coz My stock is depleting at a very fast rate

Things to do

In my constant endeavour to improve myself – it is the beginning of a new quarter and these are the things i need to do on a priority basis on 1st April

1. Tell husband about project in Singapore- from 12th April to 18th June
2. Tell best friend and good friend who is office colleague that i think i am pregnant and will be seeing the doc to confirm tomm
3. Tell blog world the same

But since i nice and all – i shall tell u guys that hehehe..this is all part of my APril Fool plan…

p.s. to update u – have informed bff “Cheeni” – sniff feeling a bit bad, Cheeni almost started crying …(Gulp Gulp) – i am going to get it when i break the news
Tall One too has been told and is currently putting on the “I am supportive” husband look…

Sniff i am feeling bad – i think i wont play any april fool tricks…or should i?

What are your thoughts this first of April????